There is a Happy Medium
A woman I met recently lamented that she was ready to give up on homeschooling. This is not an unusual event. There are times when it seems God is putting such women in my path on a regular basis, and the past month or so has been one of those time periods.
If that's where you are right now, we need to talk.
Why do you want to give up? Can't you keep up the pace anymore?
That's the thing I'm hearing from a lot of other moms lately. The combination of co-ops, field trips, formal curriculum (with its demanding record-keeping) and feisty children is more than enough to push the calmest mom over the edge.
Or is it your kids? Are you overwhelmed by the 24/7-with-kids lifestyle? Have you had it with never being alone? All of us need at least a little solitude in our day, and some need more than others. Let's face it, homeschooling does not lend itself to solitude.
Maybe you don't know why you're ready to give up on homeschooling; you just know that you can't take it anymore. When I can't pinpoint the root cause of what's bothering me, I've found that if I start thinking of every little and big thing I'm unhappy about, whichever makes me teary-eyed as soon as it comes to mind is the culprit. Have you tried that? Or are you already crying over many things?
One recurrent theme I'm hearing from other moms is "If I can't do it right, I'm not going to do it at all." I find this one to be particularly common among moms in their 30's, and I have a theory why that might be so. These women were raised to be achievers. They had working moms who had something to prove to the world, and expected their daughters to do the same.
Now that these women are moms, they're homeschooling in order to give their children what they believe to be the best education. I'm with them there, of course. But many of these women have a homeschooling standard no one could live up to. It may take the form of an avalanche of academics, an overdose of socialization or the taking of mothering to an art form. In some especially unfortunate cases, it's a combination of all three.
You'd have to be superhuman to last for long at such endeavors, so it's not surprising that these moms are wearing out. The saddest part, however, is that they think their way is the only way, so if they can't manage their way, the kids must head for the highway....on a school bus.
To such moms, I say, Ladies, ladies, ladies......please. For just a few minutes, will you put down your car keys, send the kids outside to enjoy some not-organized-by-adults play or sports time, and catch your breath? While you do that, I want to talk to you.
Sending your kids to school because you've become overwhelmed by homeschooling is throwing out the baby with the bath water, as our grandmothers used to say. Wearing yourselves and your children out with activities, academics and hyper-mothering is not the answer, but neither is sending the kids to school because you failed at doing it your way.
You must have faith that you are the person who is supposed to be with your children each day. God specifically chose your children for you and you for them, and He will equip you for the task of raising them. This means, of course, that you'll have to pray for guidance, rather than relying solely on your personal expectations. It means you must accept that God will make you equal to the task of educating your children---you can't do it on your own by being what you consider "the perfect mother."
There is a happy medium. Picture all the moms in the world gathered together. On the left are the overachievers, the moms who intend to homeschool and raise perfect children. On the right are the slackers, the moms whose goals include putting the kids anywhere that will keep them from interrupting Oprah and Dr. Phil. And in the middle is the happy medium, where you find the moms whose goals for their families include living and learning together and never giving up on each other.
Not one of those moms is perfect, but they can live with that. They know they will not achieve perfection in this world.
Before you call the school district to sign away, er....sign up your kids, will you try something for just one day? Tomorrow, will you clear your calendar, ignore your lesson plan and stop thinking about what you "should" do, and instead spend the day enjoying your children? Forget about making the beds and practicing the musical instruments! Play board games, read aloud to them, and make crafts together. Tell stories about when you were a child. Get out the paper and crayons and draw together. Ask your husband to pick up dinner on his way home so you don't have to cook.
Then, in the evening, give him some time alone with the children while you go somewhere to be alone (the tub? your room? On a long drive?) and think about how to define the happy medium for your family. It doesn't have to be all or nothing when it comes to homeschooling. Have faith that you've been equipped to do this in a way that will not wear you out! While you're alone, pray for wisdom before you make the decision to send your kids to school.
And if you're not such a mom, if you've found the happy medium, will you please keep an eye out for the moms who aren't there yet? They sure could use some encouragement!
Copyright 2008 Barbara Frank