Barbara Frank

I’ve been addicted to reading since I was three years old. I can’t help it, it’s what I do. 

For many years, well into adulthood, I spent several hours each weekend reading the voluminous Sunday edition of the Chicago Tribune. But it’s now a shadow of its former self, thanks to the Internet, which is where I do most of my reading these days.

I love having such a variety of interesting things to read. Once in a while, however, I hit on something really good, something someone has written that is so spot-on that I just have to share it with others. And have I got something good to share today.

Prolific writer and economic historian Gary North has written an awesome piece entitled “Public Education is Going Down” that clearly explains how the rise of the Internet is slowly killing public education. His theory is that, thanks to the growing availability of knowledge online at an increasingly lower cost, we parents are regaining the educational control that was lost centuries ago:

Home schooling is a throwback to the fifteenth century. It lets parents choose the content and structure of their children’s education. But it goes far beyond anything available then. One size does not fit all: all parents or all children. There is enormous diversity today, and it is getting even more diverse.

Read the entire article for yourself, and be sure to catch his last line. It made me smile  :)

One of the greatest blessings of homeschooling for our family is that it let us give our daughters a girlhood.

I think girls in our society are increasingly pressured to be women before they’re ready, which is a very dangerous thing. By raising our girls at home, my husband and I were able to let them become who they were meant to be without the world’s emphasis on becoming Lolita.

I was reminded of how messed up the worldly attitude toward girls has become when I read this article about companies promoting the celebrity lifestyle to young girls, complete with limo rides and fake champagne, tattoos and opportunities to strut their stuff on the catwalk.

Of course, these companies wouldn’t even be in business if it weren’t for parents who pay for these services. And while it’s every parent’s right to make that choice, it’s my right to think they’re fools. The last thing young girls need is to be pushed toward early maturity.

Our girls rode bikes and roller-bladed, played at the park and had fun with their friends outside. They read books, sewed and made crafts, cooked and baked and played with their siblings. It was our goal to give them that kind of life, and it was well worth the sacrifices it took, personally and financially, to have them home all the time instead of going to public school, where the declining morals of our society proliferate like a noxious mold.

Sometimes I had to be the bad guy. I remember one new girl in our neighborhood who became friends with one of our daughters. She was 9 or 10, and greatly delighted to own Janet Jackson’s latest album that included a lot of music with strong sexual references completely inappropriate for young girls. When I found out this girl’s mom was just fine with that music being played by the girls when my daughter visited, I intervened. This did not make me popular. So what? I was trying to protect my daughter’s innocence. I was doing my job.

Things have gotten worse in our culture since then. I’m glad I’m not raising young girls now. The other day I saw a girl of 8 or so trailing along behind her mother in the grocery store. She was busy texting someone and completely oblivious to her surroundings. Just what a little girl needs…..24/7 contact with her peers.

Texting is just one more way that young girls can act like adults today. But they need to have a girlhood first. Surely I’m not the only mom that thinks so….am I?

Spend some time in a store or a park and you’ll soon see that many parents neglect to teach their kids to have self-control.

I’m talking kids screaming and having tantrums while their parents studiously ignore them. Then there are those parents who respond by having their own scream fest. How’s the child going to learn self-control when the parent doesn’t have any?

Now a new study has shown that kids with poor self-control skills suffer for it in adulthood with higher levels of “adult health problems, such as sexually transmitted diseases, gum disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and excess weight.”

Another study done among fraternal twins in the United Kingdom showed that the twin with poorer self-control at age 5 will grow up to be “more likely to start smoking, to earn bad grades in school and to show antisocial behaviors at age 12.”

One interesting comment from the article also caught my eye:

Dr. Belsky said that research shows infants and kids who develop secure attachments to parents and caregivers learn early on “my actions have consequences, and I can manage and regulate those reactions,” which is key to developing self-control.

And where are kids most likely to develop those secure attachments? In the home! 

Can you motivate your child to achieve greatness?

Amy Chua thinks you can and you must, and her methods are drawing a lot of attention. An excerpt from her new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, recently appeared in the online version of the Wall Street Journal. It’s been the site’s #1 most visited page for weeks, and already has over 7,500 comments (most articles there get a few hundred comments at most). It’s also sparked debate among parents all over the country. (Note: Ms. Chua has accused the Wall Street Journal of taking the most shocking parts of her book out of context, but read on and see what you think.)

Ms. Chua’s daughters are high achievers; one even played piano at Carnegie Hall. Ms. Chua credits their achievements in part to not letting them go on sleepovers, be in school plays, have play dates, watch television or use computers. She required that both girls learn to play the piano and violin (no other instruments allowed). Here’s her description of one daughter’s attempts to learn to play piano with both hands:

Lulu couldn’t do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu’s dollhouse to the car and told her I’d donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn’t have “The Little White Donkey” perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, “I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?” I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn’t do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

“Get back to the piano now,” I ordered.

“You can’t make me.”

“Oh yes, I can.”

The girl did end up mastering the technique, and according to her mother, was thrilled about it. But was it her achievement, or her mother’s?

I found this statement by Ms. Chua particularly disturbing:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.

Nothing is fun until you’re good at it? I remember the crooked little quilts my girls made when they were young. They loved making them, and I didn’t force them to do so. Now they can crank out lovely quilts much faster than I can. But the point is, they had fun making crooked quilts and now they have fun making straight ones, and it was their idea to make quilts in the first place. I merely taught them the basics and helped them when they asked for it.

Recently I read The Element: How Finding your Passion Changes Everything, by Sir Ken Robinson. This noted creativity expert studies very successful creative people. In his book, he cites the experiences of many creative types who didn’t know what they were good at until they heard or saw something that struck a chord within them.

For instance, Robinson interviewed drummer Mick Fleetwood of the band Fleetwood Mac, who, as a young boy, struggled in school but loved to tap on things. What Fleetwood called “this tapping business” really came to life when he went to a live musical performance for the first time and realized that he wanted to be in that kind of environment:

“One day, I walked out of school and I sat under a large tree in the grounds. I’m not religious, but with tears pouring down my face, I prayed to God that I wouldn’t be in this place anymore. I wanted to be in London and play in a jazz club. It was totally naïve and ridiculous, but I made a firm commitment to myself that I was going to be a drummer.”

What came next was a series of “breaks” that might never have occurred if Mick had stayed in school.

Mick’s parents understood that school was not a place for someone with Mick’s kind of intelligence. At sixteen, he approached them about leaving school, and rather than insisting that he press on until graduation, they put him on a train to London with a drum kit and allowed him to pursue his inspiration.

Note that Fleetwood’s parents didn’t force him to play the drums, nor did they dissuade him from following his dream in order to follow one of theirs. Robinson’s book is full of stories of people who successfully followed their own interests, or passions as Robinson calls them. Not one of them achieved greatness by following their parents’ passions. In fact, in most cases the parents, if mentioned at all, either encouraged their children to find their own passions, or at the very least did not get in their way.

So who do you think is on the right track, Chua or Robinson? I’m with Robinson. I’ve watched my own kids pursue and master subjects that I had nothing to do with, or that I’m weak in. I think we help our kids achieve greatness by removing obstacles and giving help when asked.  I don’t believe in forcing kids to study specific instruments, or threatening to take away their belongings if they don’t practice.

I love watching my children enjoy becoming good at something they love. Why turn it into something negative?

I heard on the radio this morning that 40% of the unemployed have been out of work for over a year. I don’t know how they come up with these statistics, but a quick mental survey of the people in my family and social circle makes me think that 40% is close to accurate or maybe even a little on the low side.

Am I the only person who thinks these people could take advantage of their downtime by homeschooling their kids? Given the state of the schools today, it seems like a win-win situation: the unemployed person finds something worthwhile to do with their days, and their child or teen actually learns a few things by working with their parent. Many of these parents aren’t going to find a job anytime soon. Given the changes in our economy, homeschooling might even turn out to be a long-term solution for both parent and child.

After all, homeschooling isn’t that hard, and teaching a child can be done much more efficiently at home than in a classroom of 30 students (62 if you live in Detroit.) Considering that many high schools students now text their way through class, it’s pretty easy to learn more at home than at school these days.

With all the great educational tools available in public libraries and on the Internet (for instance, there’s a nice free math and science education just waiting for young people right here), what can the schools do for kids today that we parents can’t? (Please don’t tell me that football games and proms are essential, because an entire generation of homeschooled adults have shown that they aren’t!)

Some people believe that the public schools are already going down, as Gary North has stated in his excellent article on the subject. The quality of education continues its slide into the abyss, and funding is likely to be cut, thanks to the financial problems most states and the Feds are struggling with.

I think that dying schools and unemployed parents could be blessings in disguise for American families. Unemployed parents who decide to take advantage of their newly found free time to facilitate their children’s learning can develop closer relationships with them while giving them a better, more individualized education that they can get in school. At the same time, they’ll combat the demoralizing feelings that come with being unemployed because they’ll be spending their days doing something that’s important and personally rewarding. They may even find that they feel better about themselves than they did when they were employed. Win-win, indeed!

I was delighted to see this pro-homeschooling article in my hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune.

The article describes the increase in homeschooling among black families. Thanks to homeschooling, not only do these children escape the public school experience, but their parents can tailor their education to include their African-American heritage.

Many people homeschool their children for religious reasons. But we don’t often talk about homeschooling in terms of being able to emphasize our cultural heritage. Parents who take the time to teach their children about their cultural heritage give them something that they’ll always appreciate and cherish. I’m so glad that more and more Americans of all races and cultural backgrounds are giving their children this gift by homeschooling them!

For the last year or so, my husband has taken on the responsibility for homeschooling our son once a week. What a blessing that is! Since we do school in the mornings and I work in the afternoons, having that free morning is wonderful for running errands, doing chores or just playing catch-up around here.

But I’m not the only one who benefits. Josh loves doing school with his dad. They work on fun art projects while playing Tom Chapin cd’s. My husband is artistic and patient, so he’s very good at teaching Josh. They’re used to working with each other in the workshop, so they’ve already established a pattern of doing projects together. (I’m sure the fact that they’re creating things, instead of working on math or reading, only adds to Josh’s enjoyment.

Their most recent project was a nativity scene (figures and stable) that my husband found online. It’s now sitting in our dining room, awaiting the arrival of the rest of our family this weekend.

Having homeschooled my kids since the mid-1980s, I’m starting to want to do other things. My husband taking on homeschooling one day a week has made it easier for me to keep doing the other four days.  :)

Does this photo from a Christmas ad bug you the way it bugs me? I just hate that our society promotes being a rock star to little children.

I mean, think about what we’re saying to our little people when we push this stuff on them:

It’s important to be the center of attention.

It’s important to be cool.

It’s important to gain the adulation of others.

(And we wonder why kids are so spoiled and demanding these days.)

As if that wasn’t bad enough, don’t parents care that they’re encouraging their children to emulate people who dress like bums and hookers, smoke pot (and worse) until their brain cells are fried, and pickle their livers because they’re drunk so much of the time?

Seriously, do these parents look at their little darlings and think, “Maybe she’ll be the next Lady Gaga!”?

So few people seem to care about developing good character in their children anymore. It’s all about fame and fortune and having a good time. How sad.

(Rant over.)

Looking for Christmas projects for your kids?

How about meaningful ways to make Christmas memories?

You’ll find these and other goodies in the current issue of “The Imperfect Homeschooler” newsletter, available HERE. Get it free in your email each month by signing up HERE.

So, homeschooling parent, think your teens are learning as much at home as they would learn in high school?

We know from our own childhood experience that the school day is full of interruptions and inconsistencies. Whenever you put 30 kids in a room, you create an environment that’s not exactly conducive to concentration.

But something’s changed since we were young, something that makes it even harder to learn: cell phones. Where I live, the high schools banned cell phones until 2007, when they allowed students to carry them as long as they were turned off and put away during class.

Guess what? It was too hard to enforce that rule, so now kids text throughout class. Teachers are worried that students could be texting test answers to each other. Perhaps, but at the very least, I think we can assume they aren’t paying attention to the teacher if they’re busy texting:

“Cell phone use continues to grow. Texting is more common, and many students are adept at sending silent text messages from their pockets. They don’t even look at the keypad.”

One teacher said, “Every kid has one, and they’re used covertly, regularly.”

I understand that today’s kids are good at multitasking, but I doubt that they can absorb much information while they’re busy corresponding with other people via texting.

Homeschooling parents needn’t worry whether their kids are learning as much as their publicly schooled friends. I’d say they’re way ahead of them if their home life affords them regular uninterrupted periods of time for reading, writing and doing math. Seriously, if kids can text during class, public high school has become a joke.

When I hear that the unemployment rate is still going up, my immediate thought is for our kids and their future. We’ve been told that many of the jobs that were lost aren’t coming back due to technological change and offshoring. So how will our kids make a living? Will they have to deal with long periods of unemployment in their lives?

Those concerns are why I’ve written my new book, but talking to two of my children who are working adults has given me hope that things won’t be as bad as they seem. Both of them tell me that despite the high unemployment rate, it’s still hard to find good workers. They’ve expressed frustration with job applicants who barely speak during interviews and lazy new employees who spend their time texting instead of working. (These aren’t isolated incidences; they say it’s a pattern they see every day.)

These young employees have some ethical issues beyond laziness. One new employee borrowed a customer’s coupon during a transaction to get an additional discount on her own purchase. A self-identified Christian young man hired as a manager flunked his drug test.

As a result of experiences like these, my kids (who live in different states, by the way) think the high unemployment rate reflects a large number of incompetent people who can’t hold a job. That wouldn’t apply to several people over 40 I know who are among the long-term (2 years +) unemployed. But I think they’re having a hard time getting hired because they’re used to higher pay, and their age makes offering them health insurance a more expensive proposition. As for the younger people, maybe my kids are right.

In that case, we don’t have to worry as much about tough competition for our kids. If we raise them with moral character and a good work ethic along with the skills needed to compete in the 21^st century, they should be ahead of most of their peers from the start.

Note: Simulposted at Thriving in the 21st Century

Yesterday was the first Sunday in Advent. It was so nice to see the Advent candle burning brightly on the altar at church. With all the busy-ness of getting ready for and hosting Thanksgiving dinner, I’d almost forgotten that Advent was about to begin.

A few years back I read a clever mom’s blog post describing how she helped her young children celebrate Christmas.* It would be a great way to mark the beginning of Advent.

This mom set up part of the family’s nativity set under the Christmas tree early in December. All that was missing was Mary, Joseph, their donkey and baby Jesus. She then put Mary, Joseph and the donkey at the other end of the house. Each day her little children moved those three figures a foot or two closer towards the Christmas tree, marking the young couple’s sojourn to Bethlehem.

On Christmas Eve, Mary, Joseph and the donkey “arrived” at the manger under the tree, and that’s when the family placed baby Jesus in the manger. What a wonderful way to help the children prepare their hearts for Christ’s coming! I wish I’d thought of doing this when my children were young.

* If you know the blog/blogger I’m talking about, please send me the link so I can give credit where it’s due—thanks!

Now that we’re into November, I’m finally starting to think about Christmas gifts.

I’ve always found it easier to buy for the girls than the boys. Maybe I’m just really good at tapping into the little girl I used to be, but buying for my daughters and my niece is always fun.

But those boys….it takes more time to find good gifts for them. Of course, they’re always willing to tell me exactly which Wii game or Lego set they want. But I like to surprise gift recipients instead of just buying from a list they’ve written.

So, how about you? Who’s harder to shop for, boys or girls? Let’s have some fun with this. Leave your answer in the comments on this post and you’ll automatically be entered in a drawing for a new copy of Shovelhorns, the Biography of a Moose, and Black Bruin, the Biography of a Bear, two classic wildlife novels for boys in one book. It’ll make a great Christmas gift for your son, grandson or nephew.

Deadline for qualifying comments is this Friday, 11/12/10, at midnight.  Winner to be announced Saturday, 11/13/10. U. S. residents only, please.

Good luck!

11/13/10, 12:00 AM: end of contest. Winner will be announced later today.

Years ago, we were acquainted with a boy who couldn’t speak due to birth defects. Thanks to a piece of equipment called a Dynavox, he was able to touch a screen so a computerized voice could tell us what he wanted to say.

It was a very expensive piece of equipment that many families couldn’t afford. Another young man we knew used a wooden board with pictures of faces; he’d point to the sketch of a face expressing the emotion he was feeling.

Times sure have changed. Now there are apps for the iPad that fill the same purpose as a Dynavox for youngsters with special needs. Wish we’d had something like that for our son when he was young.

The advantages of an iPad for kids with special needs go beyond supplying them with a voice. In a recent discussion here about the iPad, read Karen’s comment that explains all the ways she uses an iPad to educate her daughter with Down syndrome.

We do live in interesting times, don’t we?

Do you ever feel like your life is out of control? Like there’s so much going on and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get on top of things? » Read the rest of this entry «