My son and his wife both have jobs that they love and in which they’re successful. Work takes up enough of their lives that they have to commit to spending time together. It doesn’t just happen. This is a lesson we all learn sooner or later, but they’re learning it right now; so far they appear to be keeping up with the balancing act.

But at some point they’re going to want children, and that’s when the balancing act becomes more complex. Men in particular feel the need to excel at their jobs in order to feed, clothe and shelter their growing families. But sometimes they can become so involved with their jobs that work takes priority over their families, and they can’t see it.

That’s what happened to Sir Richard Attenborough, the acclaimed British actor and director. Over the course of his life, he achieved fame and fortune while staying married to his wife Sheila (for over 60 years!), with whom he had three children.

While on vacation in 2004, his daughter and granddaughter died in the tsunami that hit the areas around the Indian Ocean. This tragedy forced Sir Richard to reassess the way he spent his life (as excerpted from his autobiography):

When I look back, I see the whole of my adult life crammed with ceaseless activity. But in all my roles as actor, director, producer, charity fundraiser, chairman of this, president of that, I’ve always been aware that it was Sheila, not me, who held us together as a family.

Yet, eternally optimistic and, to a degree, selfish and egocentric, I always believed in a future when I would make it up to the children. In determining the allotment of my time between public and private, work always took precedence.

Supposedly, weekends were set aside for the family. But not as conscientiously as I would now wish. If it needed a Saturday morning to conclude some business, then I took it.

When we lost Ginny – my nickname for Jane – and Luce, that opportunity was gone, never to be recovered. And that has changed my relationship with those who are left to the extent that I will do anything to be with them and we spend much more time together.

I can talk to people about Jane now, although sometimes I can’t get the words out. I can also see her. I can feel her touch. I can hear her coming into a room. She comes in laughing or excited or determined, but always full of commitment. That was the very essence of Jane – commitment.

And music. After they died, I started to hear music in my head all the time. Handel is Jane; Puccini is Lucy. I can no longer turn on the radio or listen to CDs because they clash with their music in my head.

Just thinking about Jane now, I am listening to the Messiah: I know that my redeemer liveth. How about that? Me, an agnostic.

I have, I know, been one of the privileged creatures on this Earth, not just slightly but hugely privileged. Even as early as my mid-20s, I was aware of leading a charmed life.

I won a scholarship to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. Then, unlike many of my contemporaries, I survived the war unscathed and went on to marry the most wonderful girl in the world.

My career blossomed in so many different areas. I had fame, fortune and good friends.

I became a knight, an ambassador, a president, a commandeur and a chevalier, several kinds of chairman, a university chancellor and latterly a lord. And although I now have hearing aids in both ears and my heart is ticking courtesy of a pacemaker, I have made it to my mid-80s.

Before the tsunami, I had always thought of myself as a sort of ridiculous male Mary Poppins, the eternal optimist whose glass is always half full. But, after the loss of my daughter and granddaughter, nothing would ever be the same again.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I did send this to my son And as a side note, isn’t it interesting that Sir Richard hears “The Messiah” in his head….how do you suppose that got there?

Can’t argue with that! So the winners of a fresh new copy of Shovelhorns and Black Bruin  are Tammy and Bev. Congratulations, ladies! And many thanks to everyone who entered. I loved reading your responses  

There may still be a few hiccups as I finish polishing the site. Please bear with me, and thank you for your patience!

Sincerely,
Mary, webmaster (aka DD18)

All week long, I’ve enjoyed the scent of this hyacinth as I worked. (It’s also a welcome distraction from the messy desk, don’t you think?) Spring is finally here, and not a moment too soon.

Congratulations to reader Jacqueline H., whose name was drawn in this past week’s Giveaway. If you haven’t won yet, keep trying. There are three more giveaways; this coming week’s winner will receive a copy of my first book, Life Prep for Homeschooled Teenagers. You can enter that drawing here.

Have a blessed Easter, everyone!

“Suburban Family Adopts Son, Then Decides to ‘Adopt’ Birth Mom, Too”

In the meantime, I’m looking for smiles wherever I can find them. Here’s something that made me smile, and I want to share it with you:

I have three sisters. Ironically enough, two work in the public school system. The third has been a radio personality in California for over 20 years. But last year, she lost her job when the station she worked at switched to Spanish-only programming. A single mom, she’d had her son in daycare during the day. But the daycare recently closed down because so many out-of-work parents had brought their kids home. So she’s decided to homeschool our 3-year-old nephew for a while.

I’m no fan of formally homeschooling a child before the age of five or six, but I understand why she wants to keep this very bright little guy challenged until she finds a job and puts him back into daycare.

She asked me for suggestions of online resources she can use with him. Here’s what I wrote back:

You’re homeschooling! 

Read to him A LOT, do little fun crafts, play games like Chutes and Ladders so he picks up number concepts (not just identifying numbers) easily.  Keep it low-key, a little a day, very little desk work. Anything with music is a big plus.

Some cool sites with lots of free and fun stuff, like printables:

http://www.starfall.com/

http://www.dltk-kids.com/

http://www.letteroftheweek.com/index.html

http://www.learningpage.com/

http://www.atozteacherstuff.com/

http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/

Animal cams: http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/default.cfm

Printable preschool games: http://www.preschoolprintables.com/filefolder/filefolder.shtml

Can any of you (particularly those homeschooling young children) recommend any other sites for them? Thanks!