Barbara Frank

Over Christmas I heard from several longtime friends who, like me, are homeschool moms. In fact, I’m the only one who’s “retired” from homeschooling. The rest are still at it with one or more younger children, but they also have adult children that they homeschooled all the way through high school.

I love talking with these women. We share a common history that most people can’t understand, and of course, that’s the main topic of conversation (besides our children, of course).

However, I have to admit that, despite being homeschooled, some of our now-adult children have disappointed us in different ways. (I can’t share too many details here, because I want to respect the privacy of these young adults.) In most cases, they’re doing great making their way in the world, but some have made sinful choices in their personal lives that have upset their parents. In one extreme case, someone chose a lifestyle that nearly killed them; sadly, they’re not out of the woods yet, after more than a year. (It really grieved me to hear about that person).

We moms openly share our disappointments with each other knowing that we can relate to each other so very well. We all had such great expectations, and some of them have been dashed.

I know this is common for parents. But I think it’s especially painful for homeschooling parents because we devoted our daily lives to raising our children, not because we had nothing better to do, but in part because we expected that our efforts would reap benefits for our children. And while the adult children I know have clearly reaped educational benefits from homeschooling, some of their lifestyle choices make it clear that not everything we taught them stuck.

I should point out that some of our expectations were created by the books we read and the speakers we listened to back when we were new homeschoolers. Even now, you’ll find some saying that homeschooling creates strong Christians, good citizens, yada yada. In fact, some people have made lucrative careers out of saying those things. It’s what everyone wants to hear. After all, why should we go through all this work if it’s not going to pay off?

But the fact is that there are no guarantees. And to those who point fingers and say, “Well, if you just do it right, your kids will turn out right,” I say “Beans!” I realize there’s no question that my husband and I made mistakes. All parents do. But when I think of how the Israelites treated God (see Exodus), why did I expect that none of my children would rebel or go in a different direction from the way we pointed them? Clearly each person must make their own way in life (and hopefully toward God). Not even the love of a homeschooling parent can overcome the effects of sin in the world.

But of course we had to try, and those of us specifically called to homeschool our children can’t regret it. (My mom friends and I talked about that a lot over Christmas!) We tried our best, but we’re learning that ultimately, our adult children’s lives are between them and God.

As for the verse in Proverbs that homeschoolers quote so often, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it,” I’ve written before that it’s a principle, not a promise, and also that we can’t ignore that phrase “when he is old.” Homeschooling doesn’t turn out perfectly formed adults at age 18. Each person is a lifelong project of God’s. We homeschooling parents were deeply involved in the first stage, but God will use all sorts of people and events to shape our children over the course of their lives. Hopefully there’s still time for each one of them to come to the personal realization that living God’s way is the only way to live.  (We talked a lot about that, too.)

If newer homeschoolers could have heard our conversations over Christmas, it might have frightened them. That vision of homeschool success is what kept us going during the most difficult times, and I hate to pop that bubble for anyone.

That said, I suspect that even if every homeschooling parent could be convinced that homeschooling is good but doesn’t create perfect adults, they’ll still be disappointed someday if their adult child makes poor choices. It’s what happens when you love someone so much. And since it’s this painful for us, imagine how God, the only perfect parent, feels when He sees us making similar poor choices.

Our new home has just over 1,000 square feet upstairs plus a basement. Our last rental home had over 2,000 square feet upstairs plus a basement. You see the problem here.

I keep thinking it’s like trying to fit a size 12 foot in a size 9 shoe. Despite all the purging we did over the last two moves, we have to get rid of more stuff in order to fit four people and their stuff in this house.

I decided not to let anything in the house that isn’t going to stay here. So you can imagine what the garage looks like.

Someone suggested that had I spent more time over the last 30 years getting rid of stuff instead of keeping it, I would be better off.

I thought about that for a while. At first, it sounded right. But then I realized that while I did go through things at times, I was never forced to do a major purge because we lived in a big house that allowed me to store things instead of getting rid of them. Also (and most importantly), I was so busy raising and homeschooling four kids that I never had time to do a major purge.

And that’s ok, because I spent the time I could have spent going through stuff doing more important things, like explaining algebra, playing games, and reading to my kids. Now that they’re grown, I have more time to go through everything. So while going through all this stuff now isn’t a lot of fun, I’m glad I had the time with my kids when they were home.

So if you have lots of kids and lots of clutter, take heart. Someday you can take care of the clutter. But the time to take care of the kids is now.

In response to my post last week “Young Men Need to Work,” I received an email from a reader that made so much sense that I just had to share it with you (with her permission). She and her husband are raising their sons to know how to earn money without having a regular paycheck. Here’s what they’re doing this summer:

We are teaching our sons to think outside the box, much like the men in your family did.

One way is to help the elderly with their errands for a small fee. Today he is helping his dad paint a rental house that a senior citizen from our church inherited from his parents. The man can’t afford a professional painter yet the work still needs doing. My husband had the day off and took our 14 y/o with him. They will earn enough money for a small profit and just enough to buy a storage unit full of stuff from someone who defaulted on the bill. Then my husband will help our son post the items on eBay. With that money our son will purchase curriculum for this school year. Hopefully he will make more than when he started to be able to buy himself a Razor scooter.

We have to teach our kids to think outside the box as the box gets smaller and smaller.

This is a great example of parenting wisdom. These parents are teaching their sons to be of service to others while creating income for themselves. And I love her imagery of the box getting smaller. That’s how it’s going to be for a while. We’ve got to teach our children to live in the real world.

Many thanks to the mom who shared this with me.

I recently read a comment on an online article that said something to the effect of “Homeschooling parents are control freaks who want to run their children’s lives.”

It bugged me, yet I realized that there’s some truth to that statement. While no one wants to be called a control freak, and most homeschooling parents’ goal is to raise their children to become independent young adults, the fact is that there are a lot of dangers in this world that we parents want to keep away from our children. Many of them are found in public schools, but there are also everyday dangers that we want to avoid; homeschooling allows us to avoid them.

For example, homeschooled children have more opportunities to get physical exercise than other children. They’re not stuck at a desk for many hours a day. They can run outside and play whenever the weather isn’t bad. They have plenty of free time to use in physical pursuits such as tree-climbing, basketball playing and walking the dog, because they’re not tied to a daily school schedule. So unless their parents make them do online school for eight hours a day, they’re getting more exercise than most children.

This helps them avoid the common danger of childhood obesity, which is worsening. In fact, a recent study found that today’s children actually have less physical strength and carry more fat than the children of the late 1990s. So when homeschooling parents “control their children’s environment,” they’re actually giving their children a healthier lifestyle than they would have if they went to school.

Another danger that many homeschooling parents avoid is allowing their children random and unsupervised Internet access before they’re old enough to handle it. When I was doing research for my new book, I was shocked to learn the extent to which cyberbullying has spread, and how much it has hurt children, to the point that some of them are committing suicide. Then there’s the potential for pedophiles to reach them through online contact—ugh.

Yet today’s schoolchildren often carry Internet access on their bodies in the form of iTouches and Smartphones. At home, they have unfettered access to the Internet. Their parents say they let them conduct their social lives on the Internet because they don’t want them to feel left out. Relatives with young children tell me that party invitations are now distributed online, so if you want your child to be included, you have to let them be on Facebook (which is now actively pursuing children under the age of 13).

This is another danger homeschooling parents can avoid. By not giving our kids unsupervised round-the-clock access to the Internet until they’re old enough to handle it, we can protect them from the dangers that lurk there. Some will call that being a control freak. I call it something else: parenting.

How about you? Do you encourage your children to run and play outside? Do you have full or partial restrictions on their Internet use? Do you mind being called a control freak homeschooling parent? I’d love to get your take on this.

Have you ever noticed how many experts there are in the world?

Even an hour spent on the Internet makes it clear that experts are everywhere: some are experts by virtue of their life experiences or training (I value the first more than the second; how about you?) and others are self-proclaimed experts. After all, it seems like nearly everyone has a blog these days where they share their “expert” advice.

Then there are the women’s magazines, which proliferate around checkout counters across the land, with blaring headlines declaring “Your Body: Advice from the Experts!”, “How the iPad Can Release the Genius Inside Your Child” and “50 Ways to Please Your Man!”

Everywhere we go, it seems we’re surrounded by experts. Their proclamations can make us feel unprepared and diminish our confidence, particularly when it comes to parenting our children. » Read the rest of this entry «

(Note: this is the fourth and last post in a series related to my new book, Thriving in the 21st Century.)

Over the past few months, we’ve seen that preparing our children for a challenging future means not replicating school in our homes. It also means giving our children the opportunity for free exploration, hands-on learning and discovering the upside to failure. These are important components for raising children to thrive in the rapidly changing 21st century.

But just as we no longer teach our children to use the slide rule or achieve perfect penmanship because they’re not necessary any more, there are some things we may not need to do to prepare our children to thrive in the 21st century. One of them is to push our children to earn a college degree.

Not attending college is a touchy subject for homeschooling parents. Back when homeschooling first hit the public consciousness, there were many naysayers who didn’t believe that parents could teach their children well enough for them to succeed in life. Here’s the gauntlet those critics of homeschooling held up: “How will homeschooled kids ever get into college?”

They got their answer when homeschooler Grant Colfax was accepted to Harvard; years later, when he and his homeschooled brothers had all successfully completed college, there was more proof. And when some suggested the boys were simply products of excellent genetics, their father pointedly noted that two of his boys were adopted.

Since then, college has become the holy grail for most homeschooling parents. A home-educated child with a college degree is proof to friends and family that this homeschooling thing works. So to suggest that most of their kids probably won’t need to earn a college degree may seem almost sacrilegious to some. But looking at college graduation as a badge of honor doesn’t necessarily help our children.

The push for college in society as a whole over the past 40 years has ignored the fact that many kids are not cut out for college. They may not be book learners, or they may have gifts that are better served by on-the-job training or tech school. Evidence shows that forcing all kids into college has resulted in a low graduation rate (only half of all college students graduate within six years) and a lot of dropouts hampered by large levels of student loan debt racked up during the time they were in college.

Even young people who excelled in college are finding that the high-priced degree they earned is not much help in the new economy. If they can find work, it may not be in their field of study; it may also pay less than they expected to earn. This can result in real hardship if they took on a lot of student loan debt, which can almost never be discharged through bankruptcy, leaving them with a burden of debt that could weigh them down much of their lives.

The fact is that most of the job growth over the coming decade as predicted by the U.S. government does not require a four-year degree, and college won’t be necessary for most workers (I’ve included those statistics in my new book, Thriving in the 21st Century.)

This doesn’t mean that we should discourage all of our children from going to college. Those with the smarts and the desire to have careers that logically and/or legally require advanced education (physicians, scientists, etc.) should certainly be encouraged and helped to attend college. But the idea that every young person can and should go to college makes no sense in light of the changes in our economy. We parents need to be brave enough to buck the trend and look at each of our children as individuals, determine which (if any) will likely benefit from going to college, and then help the rest figure out the best way to proceed so that they’ll thrive in the 21^st century.

(Thriving in the 21^st Century: Preparing Our Children for the New Economic Reality is now available! It’s packed with ways to prepare your children for the future. Learn more HERE.)

Missed the first three parts of “Preparing Our Kids for a Challenging Future”? You’ll find them here: #1, #2 and #3.

I never get tired of reading that a homeschooled child has won a spelling or geography bee. In the most recent case, it was a girl named Annie who won Illinois’ Geography Bee. Congratulations, Annie!

But though I love hearing about homeschooled kids winning these contests, I’ve been dismayed by some homeschooling parents I’ve known who think these bees are some kind of referendum on homeschooling, and for that reason push their kids and others to sign up for them.

I think pushing a child to compete in any contest is unfair. Some kids are overwhelmed by contests, and others just don’t care. To me, the child who wants to be in a contest is the only one who should be in it. Note what motivated Annie to compete in the geography bee:

Ulrich was prepared for the challenge. During the week leading up to the competition, she spent five hours a day studying atlases, geography books and reference materials online.
She was not only driven to win, but passionate about the subject as a whole.

Note also her mother’s role in the process:

“She really did all the work, I just drove the bus,” said a near-speechless Janet Ulrich, who doubles as mother and teacher.

Smart girl. Smart mom.

Last year I wrote about how I was buckling down to finish the book I’ve been working on for a long time. Well, it was worth it: the book will be out next month!

It’s called Thriving in the 21^st Century: Preparing Our Children For The New Economic Reality, and I wrote it to explain what has changed in our economy and what specific things we can do to help prepare our children for a world of work much different than the one we grew up in.

Here’s what it will say on the back cover:

Today’s children will reach adulthood in an economic environment unlike anything the world has ever seen. The 21st century global economy is powered by an increasing rate of technological change as well as growing foreign competition; both are contributing to the high U.S. unemployment rate and stagnating American wages. How can we as parents prepare our children for success in this growing maelstrom that many are now calling “the new normal”?

In Thriving in the 21st Century, Barbara Frank demonstrates that we must move beyond the common wisdom of the 20th century that emphasized a college diploma and lifelong employment with a large company as the only way to success. Instead, we need to set our children on a new path, one that will help them not just survive, but thrive in the 21st century.

In this book, you’ll learn:

• The Seven Strengths your child will need to prosper in the 21st century, why they’re needed and how you can develop them in your children
• The most efficient (and increasingly popular) way to give your child those Seven Strengths
• Why public education has failed to prepare our children for the 21st century
• How we can help our children become the lifelong learners needed in a rapidly changing global economy
• The surprising truth about today’s colleges and universities
• How economic change is affecting a variety of career areas, and which of them are projected to grow dramatically in the coming years.

This book is packed with ideas and resources for raising our children to become adults who respond proactively when faced with economic challenges, and who can prosper during times of great change. We can help our children reach young adulthood ready and able to tackle the future with all its challenges. And that, of course, is the key: we must prepare our children for the future…not the past.

The book’s website is www.Thrivinginthe21stCentury.com. There’s already a lot of information there, and more to come in the near future.

I hope you’ll find this book inspiring and informative.

One of the greatest blessings of homeschooling for our family is that it let us give our daughters a girlhood.

I think girls in our society are increasingly pressured to be women before they’re ready, which is a very dangerous thing. By raising our girls at home, my husband and I were able to let them become who they were meant to be without the world’s emphasis on becoming Lolita.

I was reminded of how messed up the worldly attitude toward girls has become when I read this article about companies promoting the celebrity lifestyle to young girls, complete with limo rides and fake champagne, tattoos and opportunities to strut their stuff on the catwalk.

Of course, these companies wouldn’t even be in business if it weren’t for parents who pay for these services. And while it’s every parent’s right to make that choice, it’s my right to think they’re fools. The last thing young girls need is to be pushed toward early maturity.

Our girls rode bikes and roller-bladed, played at the park and had fun with their friends outside. They read books, sewed and made crafts, cooked and baked and played with their siblings. It was our goal to give them that kind of life, and it was well worth the sacrifices it took, personally and financially, to have them home all the time instead of going to public school, where the declining morals of our society proliferate like a noxious mold.

Sometimes I had to be the bad guy. I remember one new girl in our neighborhood who became friends with one of our daughters. She was 9 or 10, and greatly delighted to own Janet Jackson’s latest album that included a lot of music with strong sexual references completely inappropriate for young girls. When I found out this girl’s mom was just fine with that music being played by the girls when my daughter visited, I intervened. This did not make me popular. So what? I was trying to protect my daughter’s innocence. I was doing my job.

Things have gotten worse in our culture since then. I’m glad I’m not raising young girls now. The other day I saw a girl of 8 or so trailing along behind her mother in the grocery store. She was busy texting someone and completely oblivious to her surroundings. Just what a little girl needs…..24/7 contact with her peers.

Texting is just one more way that young girls can act like adults today. But they need to have a girlhood first. Surely I’m not the only mom that thinks so….am I?

Spend some time in a store or a park and you’ll soon see that many parents neglect to teach their kids to have self-control.

I’m talking kids screaming and having tantrums while their parents studiously ignore them. Then there are those parents who respond by having their own scream fest. How’s the child going to learn self-control when the parent doesn’t have any?

Now a new study has shown that kids with poor self-control skills suffer for it in adulthood with higher levels of “adult health problems, such as sexually transmitted diseases, gum disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and excess weight.”

Another study done among fraternal twins in the United Kingdom showed that the twin with poorer self-control at age 5 will grow up to be “more likely to start smoking, to earn bad grades in school and to show antisocial behaviors at age 12.”

One interesting comment from the article also caught my eye:

Dr. Belsky said that research shows infants and kids who develop secure attachments to parents and caregivers learn early on “my actions have consequences, and I can manage and regulate those reactions,” which is key to developing self-control.

And where are kids most likely to develop those secure attachments? In the home! 

Can you motivate your child to achieve greatness?

Amy Chua thinks you can and you must, and her methods are drawing a lot of attention. An excerpt from her new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, recently appeared in the online version of the Wall Street Journal. It’s been the site’s #1 most visited page for weeks, and already has over 7,500 comments (most articles there get a few hundred comments at most). It’s also sparked debate among parents all over the country. (Note: Ms. Chua has accused the Wall Street Journal of taking the most shocking parts of her book out of context, but read on and see what you think.)

Ms. Chua’s daughters are high achievers; one even played piano at Carnegie Hall. Ms. Chua credits their achievements in part to not letting them go on sleepovers, be in school plays, have play dates, watch television or use computers. She required that both girls learn to play the piano and violin (no other instruments allowed). Here’s her description of one daughter’s attempts to learn to play piano with both hands:

Lulu couldn’t do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu’s dollhouse to the car and told her I’d donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn’t have “The Little White Donkey” perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, “I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?” I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn’t do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

“Get back to the piano now,” I ordered.

“You can’t make me.”

“Oh yes, I can.”

The girl did end up mastering the technique, and according to her mother, was thrilled about it. But was it her achievement, or her mother’s?

I found this statement by Ms. Chua particularly disturbing:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.

Nothing is fun until you’re good at it? I remember the crooked little quilts my girls made when they were young. They loved making them, and I didn’t force them to do so. Now they can crank out lovely quilts much faster than I can. But the point is, they had fun making crooked quilts and now they have fun making straight ones, and it was their idea to make quilts in the first place. I merely taught them the basics and helped them when they asked for it.

Recently I read The Element: How Finding your Passion Changes Everything, by Sir Ken Robinson. This noted creativity expert studies very successful creative people. In his book, he cites the experiences of many creative types who didn’t know what they were good at until they heard or saw something that struck a chord within them.

For instance, Robinson interviewed drummer Mick Fleetwood of the band Fleetwood Mac, who, as a young boy, struggled in school but loved to tap on things. What Fleetwood called “this tapping business” really came to life when he went to a live musical performance for the first time and realized that he wanted to be in that kind of environment:

“One day, I walked out of school and I sat under a large tree in the grounds. I’m not religious, but with tears pouring down my face, I prayed to God that I wouldn’t be in this place anymore. I wanted to be in London and play in a jazz club. It was totally naïve and ridiculous, but I made a firm commitment to myself that I was going to be a drummer.”

What came next was a series of “breaks” that might never have occurred if Mick had stayed in school.

Mick’s parents understood that school was not a place for someone with Mick’s kind of intelligence. At sixteen, he approached them about leaving school, and rather than insisting that he press on until graduation, they put him on a train to London with a drum kit and allowed him to pursue his inspiration.

Note that Fleetwood’s parents didn’t force him to play the drums, nor did they dissuade him from following his dream in order to follow one of theirs. Robinson’s book is full of stories of people who successfully followed their own interests, or passions as Robinson calls them. Not one of them achieved greatness by following their parents’ passions. In fact, in most cases the parents, if mentioned at all, either encouraged their children to find their own passions, or at the very least did not get in their way.

So who do you think is on the right track, Chua or Robinson? I’m with Robinson. I’ve watched my own kids pursue and master subjects that I had nothing to do with, or that I’m weak in. I think we help our kids achieve greatness by removing obstacles and giving help when asked.  I don’t believe in forcing kids to study specific instruments, or threatening to take away their belongings if they don’t practice.

I love watching my children enjoy becoming good at something they love. Why turn it into something negative?

I heard on the radio this morning that 40% of the unemployed have been out of work for over a year. I don’t know how they come up with these statistics, but a quick mental survey of the people in my family and social circle makes me think that 40% is close to accurate or maybe even a little on the low side.

Am I the only person who thinks these people could take advantage of their downtime by homeschooling their kids? Given the state of the schools today, it seems like a win-win situation: the unemployed person finds something worthwhile to do with their days, and their child or teen actually learns a few things by working with their parent. Many of these parents aren’t going to find a job anytime soon. Given the changes in our economy, homeschooling might even turn out to be a long-term solution for both parent and child.

After all, homeschooling isn’t that hard, and teaching a child can be done much more efficiently at home than in a classroom of 30 students (62 if you live in Detroit.) Considering that many high schools students now text their way through class, it’s pretty easy to learn more at home than at school these days.

With all the great educational tools available in public libraries and on the Internet (for instance, there’s a nice free math and science education just waiting for young people right here), what can the schools do for kids today that we parents can’t? (Please don’t tell me that football games and proms are essential, because an entire generation of homeschooled adults have shown that they aren’t!)

Some people believe that the public schools are already going down, as Gary North has stated in his excellent article on the subject. The quality of education continues its slide into the abyss, and funding is likely to be cut, thanks to the financial problems most states and the Feds are struggling with.

I think that dying schools and unemployed parents could be blessings in disguise for American families. Unemployed parents who decide to take advantage of their newly found free time to facilitate their children’s learning can develop closer relationships with them while giving them a better, more individualized education that they can get in school. At the same time, they’ll combat the demoralizing feelings that come with being unemployed because they’ll be spending their days doing something that’s important and personally rewarding. They may even find that they feel better about themselves than they did when they were employed. Win-win, indeed!

Does this photo from a Christmas ad bug you the way it bugs me? I just hate that our society promotes being a rock star to little children.

I mean, think about what we’re saying to our little people when we push this stuff on them:

It’s important to be the center of attention.

It’s important to be cool.

It’s important to gain the adulation of others.

(And we wonder why kids are so spoiled and demanding these days.)

As if that wasn’t bad enough, don’t parents care that they’re encouraging their children to emulate people who dress like bums and hookers, smoke pot (and worse) until their brain cells are fried, and pickle their livers because they’re drunk so much of the time?

Seriously, do these parents look at their little darlings and think, “Maybe she’ll be the next Lady Gaga!”?

So few people seem to care about developing good character in their children anymore. It’s all about fame and fortune and having a good time. How sad.

(Rant over.)

So, homeschooling parent, think your teens are learning as much at home as they would learn in high school?

We know from our own childhood experience that the school day is full of interruptions and inconsistencies. Whenever you put 30 kids in a room, you create an environment that’s not exactly conducive to concentration.

But something’s changed since we were young, something that makes it even harder to learn: cell phones. Where I live, the high schools banned cell phones until 2007, when they allowed students to carry them as long as they were turned off and put away during class.

Guess what? It was too hard to enforce that rule, so now kids text throughout class. Teachers are worried that students could be texting test answers to each other. Perhaps, but at the very least, I think we can assume they aren’t paying attention to the teacher if they’re busy texting:

“Cell phone use continues to grow. Texting is more common, and many students are adept at sending silent text messages from their pockets. They don’t even look at the keypad.”

One teacher said, “Every kid has one, and they’re used covertly, regularly.”

I understand that today’s kids are good at multitasking, but I doubt that they can absorb much information while they’re busy corresponding with other people via texting.

Homeschooling parents needn’t worry whether their kids are learning as much as their publicly schooled friends. I’d say they’re way ahead of them if their home life affords them regular uninterrupted periods of time for reading, writing and doing math. Seriously, if kids can text during class, public high school has become a joke.

In the city we’re living in right now, there’s a fantastic library. As a result, I bring home far too many books. I can’t possibly read them all, so I do a lot of skimming.

Recently I skimmed Craig Ferguson’s book, American on Purpose. It’s been three years since we had access to network tv, but when we did, I liked to watch Ferguson’s monologue on his late-night talk show before going to bed.

The book chronicles the Scottish comedian’s rise to fame, a rocky road that includes a starkly realistic description of the alcohol addiction that nearly ruined his life. Ferguson’s story is not for the squeamish or easily offended, as he can be quite blunt and uses a fair amount of profanity (sometimes the modern writer’s crutch, but in this case it’s probably just what he does).

I came away from the book thinking I would like the man if I met him. He’s proud to have become an American citizen; his patriotism is evident. A humble man with a good heart, Ferguson’s description of his parents, family and even his exes is generous and loving.

I was especially taken by what he wrote about the birth of his first child:

Anyone who has been present at a birth knows how weirdly adrenal the whole event is. As a first-time father, I found myself terrified in a whole new way, not afraid for myself but for my child, who until that moment had been an abstraction. All of a sudden he was real and the world had changed beyond recognition. Now there was someone I would unthinkingly lay down my life for, and I felt a massive, uncontrollable, powerful, feral love.

As I cut the umbilical cord, Milo started to cry and shiver. One of the nurses, a dour Russian woman who had bossed Sascha around a little too much for my liking, said, not unkindly, “Oh, baby, life is hard.”

“Shut up,” I snapped. She looked at me with astonishment.

“He just got here. He doesn’t need that **** yet.”

She looked at me like I was insane, but I didn’t give a toss. I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to a supporting player in the movie of someone else’s.

….It was past four a.m. when the mumsy nurse finally placed him in a clear plastic crib, swaddled in his blankie and wearing a tiny white wool cap. When she left us alone, Milo’s eyes were wide open and as deep and dark and blue as the sea on the Scottish coast.

For the first time it was just the two of us. He stared at me for a few minutes and I started back at him. My American son.

After a few moments he let out a long tired sigh, like the whole thing had been such an ordeal.

“I know,” I told him, “but don’t worry. I got your back.”

I particularly like this line: “I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to a supporting player in the movie of someone else’s.” How true that is! For most people, becoming a parent for the first time means losing the self-absorption of youth to the overwhelming love and concern for your child.

Many celebrities’ books are actually written by ghostwriters, but I doubt that this book was. Ferguson is an experienced writer whose credits (beyond writing for his show) include a novel and several screenplays. We’ve watched one of his movies, “Saving Grace,” a couple of times as it’s offbeat and funny. I recommend both of these: