Blast from the Past: Must Homeschool Success Equal Homeschooled Grandchildren?

It alarms me when I hear someone say (usually in a homeschool convention speech) that our homeschooling efforts will prove successful only if all of our children homeschool their own kids someday.Yes, I think it would be wonderful if that happened, but I’m not going to hold my breath for it. And we have not told our children that they must homeschool our someday grandkids. For one thing, God called us to homeschool. It wasn’t a decision we made because someone here on earth expected us to do it (back then, nobody expected us to do it…they were all pretty surprised, actually.) So how can we demand that our kids do it? That request has to come from God.

I don’t believe the goal of homeschooling is to perpetuate it. I think the goal is to allow children to grow up naturally within the protective circle of the family, to live in the real world (as opposed to the unreal world of the classroom) and to learn what they need to prepare them for life. Once they’re adults, they should have the freedom we have to make their own decisions, with God’s direction.

(Originally published 10/11/08. We now have one grandchild and another on the way. Our grandson is in full-time daycare. He is sweet, bright and we are all quite smitten with him!)

Take Control of Your Family’s Schedule

The doctor found Jodi Smith sitting in his office, sobbing quietly into a tissue.

“Why, Mrs. Smith,” he exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, everything!” She began crying louder.

“Now, now…” the doctor soothed. “Tell me what’s made you so unhappy.”

” I’m just so tired all the time, and I feel so overwhelmed. Each day is harder than the last.”

The doctor’s look of concern eased a bit.

“Are you trying to do too many things? Many women today have that problem. Tell me, what’s a typical day like for you?”

“Well, I have three children, and I homeschool them. Every day we do school from 8 to noon, and then we grab a quick bite and head out to Spanish class, and then we go to…”

And Jodi spent the next five minutes describing her weekly schedule of soccer, co-op, music lessons, language classes and field trips. By the time she was finished, she was crying even harder, and the doctor looked somewhat distressed.

“Mrs. Smith, I’m afraid you’re on the verge of a nervous collapse. You need some rest, that’s for sure. You can’t keep on this way. I recommend that you put your children in school and get a job with far less stress than you’re used to….say, as a 911 operator or an air traffic controller.”

The good doctor has a point. Once we become slaves to an overscheduled homeschooling life, we’re living in a high-stress atmosphere. There really is no opportunity for us to rest.

Believe it or not, this wasn’t really a problem when I began homeschooling. For one thing, there weren’t nearly as many opportunities for outside activities. In some states, homeschooling parents were being put in jail, and so we tended to stay at home a lot during school hours.

When we did venture out, it was often for field trips to plays and museums, places where people expect to see schoolchildren in the middle of a weekday.

As homeschooling became more accepted, parents began to feel more comfortable about going out and about during the day, and so we had weekly park days, where the kids played freely and the moms sat with their babies and ate and talked. It was all very low-key and relaxing. Occasionally, we’d gather at someone’s house for a visit, and once again, it was the kids’ job to find something to do while we relaxed and had our own “socialization” time.

There were few if any outside classes or lessons other than organized sports or swim lessons at the Y. And yet our kids did not grow up to be slackers. Almost every child my children knew back then turned out to be a responsible hard-working adult, at least that I’m aware of.

I look back very fondly on those days, because everyone was having such a good time. It made for a very nice lifestyle, one that I’ve tried to replicate with my younger kids. That’s not easy, because there are so many “enrichment” options today that weren’t available back then. But I’ve lived in that low-stress atmosphere so long that I’m not willing to give it up.

I just wish I could convey to some of the moms behind me on the homeschooling road that it can still be done. I get email from them about how stressed out they are, and how much trouble they’re having keeping up with everything, and I feel sorry for them. Some give up and send their kids to school. They can’t keep up the pace, or they’re tired of the responsibility of keeping their kids occupied 24/7.

We do our kids a disservice by keeping them busy all the time. They need to learn to keep themselves occupied. They’re completely capable of learning and playing freely, but they have to be given the opportunity. And when they are, we’re given a break, and that’s what moms like us need. Driving kids around all the time means you get very little free time for yourself, much less time to cook or pay the bills or touch base with extended family. Those things on your to-do list get pushed aside because there’s no time after the kids’ activities. Those neglected responsibilities weigh on your mind, adding to your stress level.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You’re in control of the family schedule. Unless you thrive on a very booked-up agenda, one with enough stress to wear out an air traffic controller at LAX, consider paring down the number of things your family is involved in, so that all of you can have a more relaxed way of life.

(Excerpted from Stages of Homeschooling (Book 2): Enjoying the Journey, available HERE.)

The Downsizing Chronicles: Where is Home?


We lived in a lovely, large house for many years. But when we took vacations at a small Door County condo, we were always surprised at how quickly we got used to being there and having it feel like home. Even so, we were always happy to get back to our house and would echo Dorothy in saying, “There’s no place like home!”

Since we had to sell our longtime home four years ago, we’ve lived in three more houses: two rentals and now the little house we just bought. And one of the interesting things we’ve learned on this journey is that each place felt like home rather quickly. Considering we moved out of state, this really surprised me, because each time we had to get used to a new town, new library and stores, new church, etc.

But what I finally realized is that home is wherever our family is gathered together. I recall a Christmas soon after we left Illinois. Four of us were living in Door County, our eldest was in Chicago and our son and daughter-in-law were in Missouri. Rather than have them trek up north, we rented a hotel suite in Illinois so all of us could gather there for Christmas. Never before had we exchanged Christmas gifts in a hotel! Yet it felt like home because all of us were there together.

Many people are being forced to move in this economy. Some are downsizing like we’ve had to do. In fact, someone very close to me has gone from owning two lovely homes and a tract of land in an island paradise to living in a tiny rental townhouse. It’s a painful process, no doubt about it. But once you discover that being together is the most important thing, you can get past your material losses and realize that the real gift is being with those you love.

Back in the 80s, when country decorating was all the rage, there were lots of folksy wall plaques emblazoned with geese or quilt blocks along with the saying “Home is Where the Heart Is.” Now those plaques look kind of dated and cheesy, but the saying is true: if you’re surrounded by your family, you’re home, no matter where you are.

Homeschooling and Unemployed Parents

I heard on the radio this morning that 40% of the unemployed have been out of work for over a year. I don’t know how they come up with these statistics, but a quick mental survey of the people in my family and social circle makes me think that 40% is close to accurate or maybe even a little on the low side.

Am I the only person who thinks these people could take advantage of their downtime by homeschooling their kids? Given the state of the schools today, it seems like a win-win situation: the unemployed person finds something worthwhile to do with their days, and their child or teen actually learns a few things by working with their parent. Many of these parents aren’t going to find a job anytime soon. Given the changes in our economy, homeschooling might even turn out to be a long-term solution for both parent and child.

After all, homeschooling isn’t that hard, and teaching a child can be done much more efficiently at home than in a classroom of 30 students (62 if you live in Detroit.) Considering that many high schools students now text their way through class, it’s pretty easy to learn more at home than at school these days.

With all the great educational tools available in public libraries and on the Internet (for instance, there’s a nice free math and science education just waiting for young people right here), what can the schools do for kids today that we parents can’t? (Please don’t tell me that football games and proms are essential, because an entire generation of homeschooled adults have shown that they aren’t!)

Some people believe that the public schools are already going down, as Gary North has stated in his excellent article on the subject. The quality of education continues its slide into the abyss, and funding is likely to be cut, thanks to the financial problems most states and the Feds are struggling with.

I think that dying schools and unemployed parents could be blessings in disguise for American families. Unemployed parents who decide to take advantage of their newly found free time to facilitate their children’s learning can develop closer relationships with them while giving them a better, more individualized education that they can get in school. At the same time, they’ll combat the demoralizing feelings that come with being unemployed because they’ll be spending their days doing something that’s important and personally rewarding. They may even find that they feel better about themselves than they did when they were employed. Win-win, indeed!

Labor Day Thoughts: Balancing Work and Family

I’ve written before that homeschooled kids tackle adult life with great gusto. At least that’s been my experience. My adult kids have eagerly embraced their schooling and/or work. In today’s world, that means lots of work hours and steady commitment to the job.

My son and his wife both have jobs that they love and in which they’re successful. Work takes up enough of their lives that they have to commit to spending time together. It doesn’t just happen. This is a lesson we all learn sooner or later, but they’re learning it right now; so far they appear to be keeping up with the balancing act.

But at some point they’re going to want children, and that’s when the balancing act becomes more complex. Men in particular feel the need to excel at their jobs in order to feed, clothe and shelter their growing families. But sometimes they can become so involved with their jobs that work takes priority over their families, and they can’t see it. Continue reading