We Can’t Be Number One With Our Kids Forever

Posted on March 4, 2013 by Barb

I’ve always enjoyed Dame Maggie Smith’s work, so I found this recent interview with her interesting. In it she talks about her loneliness since she became a widow and how she handles it by working as often as possible.

One thing she said really caught my attention: now that her husband is gone, she realizes she’s no longer number one with anyone. That sounds like a very lonely place to be. Then there’s the unspoken inference: not only does she miss the special relationship she had with her husband, but as a mother of children, she realizes that she’s no longer number one with them.

And that’s how it should be, since adult children need their independence and all that, but it can be hard for us mamas to accept. We spent so much time with our children, and they looked to us for everything, so much so that sometimes we had to hide in the bathroom to get a little peace (and even that didn’t always work). Then our kids grew up and one-by-one left home and found others to spend their time with. Before we knew it, we became just another item on the to-do list (“Call Mom”) or just another Facebook friend.

I just reread that last paragraph and it sounds kind of cynical at the end. Sorry, but that’s how it feels sometimes, and I have kids who keep in touch. But I know others who only hear from their kids every few months, so it’s even harder for them. It’s not that we need to keep busy with our own activities (although that surely helps), it’s that there’s this big hole in our lives where our kids used to be, demanding snacks and needing baths; filling that hole with work and hobbies just doesn’t cut it.

I know there are lots of suggested solutions for this loneliness that comes from widowhood or an empty nest or both; clearly Dame Maggie Smith’s solution is work. But I think her honesty is probably the most helpful part of her example. It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone, I suppose.

Post Election Depression Lifting, Finally!

Posted on February 28, 2013 by Barb

I can feel my post-election depression finally lifting. This is a good thing. For a while I was having some pretty dark thoughts, things like “Why bother to homeschool our kids if they’re just going to become sheeple anyways? Why not send them to public school so the indoctrination can begin, making them more psychologically comfortable in the socialist society that lies ahead?” See what I mean about dark thoughts?

Not that I’ve changed my mind. I do think the results of November’s election showed that there are enough people looking for government to take care of them that we’re headed toward socialism. The numbers made it clear that we’re crossing the line from a majority of makers to a majority of takers.

One of my kids saw this mindset clearly exhibited during a recent stint at tech college (AKA in other states as community college or junior college.) Many fellow students shared stories of frustration at not finding enough sugared cereals at the local food bank, thus making government-issued EBT cards (formerly known as food stamps) a necessity. Then there were those who complained that their free government-sponsored daycare didn’t offer care on weekends so they could party without having to be home in time for the kids. But some still make it work: one student, in her 20s with three children by different fathers, bragged about a weekend in Las Vegas with her boyfriend….when the government pays for your food, housing, tuition and books, you can apparently afford such niceties.

So I pictured a country more than half-filled with people such as these, and I realized we were toast. All the things we’d taught our children (to be responsible for themselves, stay out of debt, put away money for a rainy day, make wise financial decisions) flew in the face of what’s been going on in our country.

Why be so conscientious when sloth is rewarded? Why raise kids to be financially independent and entrepreneurially minded if that will make them pariahs? After all, since our culture defines success as becoming wealthy, doing so will make you one of the hated 1% (unless you’re a rapper like Jay-Z, because wealthy rappers apparently get a pass). Who wants to insure that their kids become hated, even while they support the rest of their fellow citizens through taxation?

Speaking of wealth, many of those who actually are very wealthy have been sitting on the sidelines, waiting to see how the election would go before investing their money. And now, post-election, they’re investing their money overseas. That doesn’t bode well for our struggling economy, does it?

Other wealthy people are “shrugging,” to use a term from Ayn Rand’s more-popular-than-ever novel Atlas Shrugged. Entertainer and radio personality Dennis Miller said long before the election that if the current regime won re-election, he would shrug, meaning he would stop purposely earning money. He said he would keep the contractual commitments he’d already made, but would not take on anything new, and would travel instead. He can afford to do that, of course, because as a highly paid successful entertainer, he surely has plenty of cash to fall back on. But that’s all cash that won’t be invested in our economy. I’m sure there will be many more like him.

It makes for a depressing contemplation of the future, doesn’t it? For a while I was thinking that homeschooling had just become a waste of time. If our children were going to live in a society that punishes innovation and achievement by taxing the money it creates at very high rates (some are saying the 90% rate is going to make a comeback), why bother? Maybe they’ll be more comfortable being sheep and just going with the flow.

But I came out of that after I got to thinking about the famous 47%, the group Mitt Romney mentioned that he wouldn’t need to market to because they only wanted government handouts. Yes, I know many of them are like those students at the tech college: gimme, gimme, gimme. But many of them are not. I know some of them. They’ve been forced to take government handouts thanks to the bad economy. They ran out of unemployment. They can’t afford health insurance for their family anymore so they’re taking what they can get.

Not everyone who’s on government aid is demanding their Obamaphones. Many are just trying to survive, and government aid is the only option they have left. They’ve never been on it before and wish they didn’t have to be on it now, but they don’t see any other options.

Over the past five years, people I care about have lost their businesses or jobs and their homes. We lost our home, too; not through foreclosure, because we had paid off our house. But after my husband’s business went under, we could no longer afford our $6000+ property tax bill, and had to sell the house so we wouldn’t lose it in a tax sale. That was painful enough, but to go through a foreclosure would have been even worse. And many people are going through that right now. Not all of them were stupid people who bought “too much house” after spending too much time watching HGTV. Some lost their jobs and suffered long-term unemployment, thanks to this lousy economy, and then couldn’t make their payments.

This realization helped me see that all is not lost. I don’t think the majority of people want to be taken care of by the government. But the fact is, by hook or by crook, the election was won by those who want bigger government, at a time when we can least afford it. This means that we’re soon going to find ourselves falling over that fiscal cliff (you know, the one the media started talking about the day AFTER the election), and times are likely to get very hard indeed.

So in a situation like this, how do we educate our children? Sending them to public school will help them become more comfortable in a socialist society, but I have to wonder how long that society can last given our precarious financial situation. No, after I got done being depressed about the meaning of the election of 2012, I gave a lot of thought to what kind of future today’s kids face, and I realized that it’s more important than ever to make sure our kids know how limited government once made America great so they can develop a vision for getting back to that point, because things are going to fall apart and it will take people of vision to put it back together again.

It’s also vital that we help our kids become resourceful individuals who know how to take care of themselves and those around them in times of trial. Children who are accustomed to being waited on and getting what they want will suffer the most in hard times; those who can take care of themselves and others and don’t object to doing so will be much better off down the road.

I fear our kids are going to see a lot of hardship in their lives, especially if we don’t send them to the indoctrination centers currently known as public school, where they would be taught to go along to get along. It’s hard to be the dissenter, the one who won’t follow the official program. But I think that’s what it’s going to take to have even a modicum of freedom; people who love freedom will be our best hope of taking back our country in the future.

So yes, now that the election is over and I’ve come through the resulting depression to the other side, I can see that homeschooling is more important than ever. I don’t think it’s going to be easy; in fact, homeschooling parents may become the 21^st century face of civil disobedience by not sending their kids to public school. But if enough people do so, and teach their kids about liberty and independence, we will have a generation of people ready to pick up the pieces when the inevitable collapse of socialism occurs. Homeschooling has become one of the most patriotic things you can do.

Why Your Child Doesn’t Need Preschool (No Matter What the President Said)

Posted on February 14, 2013 by Barb

Apparently the president pushed universal preschool in his State of the Union speech the other night. Aside from the fact that we as a nation can’t afford it, most kids don’t need it. In fact, studies have shown that kids who go to preschool often burn out on school by second to third grade. There’s just a small group of kids who need it, and your child isn’t one of them.

How do I know this? Because you’re reading this right now. The kids who actually need preschool have parents who have no interest in educating their children or even raising them properly. Check out this experience of a Lucianne.com commenter with the government preschool program Head Start:

I worked for Oakland Public Schools in 1965…Headstart was cranking up then. And..one focus of Headstart at that time (I witnessed it) was to teach the kids to sit around a table to eat their orange slices and dry cereal rather than grabbing their food and running to a corner of the room to eat it like animals.

It’s very sad that there are children like that, children who would be better off raised by wolves than by the parents they have. But that doesn’t mean all children need preschool just because a small percentage of them have lousy parents.

Just the other day, my daughter-in-law posted an adorable video on Facebook of a “conversation” she had with her 3-month-old baby, our grandson. You see his happy little face, cooing and giggling, while in the background you hear her immediate responses to him.

I’m sure you’ve talked like this with your kids. It’s what all good parents do: they respond to their children and meet their needs. This is the kind of environment kids need in order to develop properly. They don’t need preschool unless their parents’ parenting ability is non-existent.

So why is the president pushing universal preschool? I think we know why, but let’s let another famous leader tell us:

Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted. Vladimir Lenin

Smile!

Posted on February 7, 2013 by Barb

So many depressing things in the news these days. But every so often, if we’re paying attention, we find something good. Take this story, for instance. There’s no way you can read it and look at the many photos with it and not feel your heart soar. Made my day!

Then there’s this adorable six-minute video that’s so cleverly made:

Yep, made me smile too 🙂

My Son’s Impossible Dreams

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Barb

My son and I have a daily routine of eating breakfast together while I also try to read my Bible and a chapter of a Christian book.

I use the word try because while I’m trying to read, Josh is trying not to interrupt me. He has access to me all day long, so it’s good for him to learn not to interrupt. He just hasn’t learned it yet.

This morning he was discussing his desire to buy a black car, in which he will drive to the next state to see our old neighbors, his best friends from childhood. After a little while, he segued into his plans to get married and have a baby boy and baby girl. (We’ve heard this lecture more frequently since his first nephew was born last fall.)

We listen to him talk about his plans all the time. Without the right mindset it can be quite depressing, because he’s not ever going to be able to buy a car (most people with Down syndrome can’t drive, and he’s not able to hold down the kind of job, i.e. most jobs, that would allow him to save up for a car anyway). As for becoming a parent, even if he had the maturity to be a parent, which he doesn’t, he’ll never have the ability because men with Ds are sterile.

And yes, these facts have depressed me in the past and occasionally still do. The irony of this morning is that the book I’ve been reading after my daily devotions is Heaven by Randy Alcorn, and check out what was in today’s chapter:

Joni Eareckson Tada writes from her wheelchair, “I haven’t been cheated out of being a complete person—I’m just going through a forty-year delay, and God is with me even through that. Being ‘glorified’—I know the meaning of that now. It’s the time, after my death here, when I’ll be on my feet dancing.”….God is big enough not only to fulfill your dreams but also to expand them as you anticipate Heaven. When you experience disappointment and loss as you faithfully serve God here, remember: the loss is temporary. The gains will be eternal. Every day on the new Earth will be a new opportunity to live out the dreams that matter most.

I believe in God, not coincidences, so I know this specific passage turning up in my reading while my son was expounding on his future (impossible) plans is God reminding me that while there are many things my son will not be able to do on this earth, he will not be hampered by his disability in the next life.

I find this very comforting, and I hope other parents of kids with developmental disabilities find it comforting, too. But it also applies to parents of kids who don’t achieve their dreams: parents of the lovely young woman who dreams of the satisfaction of marriage and children but never finds a good man to share that dream with, or parents of bright young people with promising futures who suffer brain injuries in accidents and are left seemingly a shadow of their former selves.

It’s so easy to get caught up in an earthly perspective that makes you view everything in terms of now, but the book Heaven is reminding me that my perspective’s timeline is much longer than merely “now.” Great book, by the way; many thanks to my husband for recommending it to me.