Living with Interruptions

Recently Steve Brown wrote about interruptions.

Boy, do I know about interruptions. Thirty years of raising and homeschooling kids has meant that I’m often interrupted. And while it doesn’t happen nearly as much now that we only have one offspring still living at home, the fact is that the others sometimes call just as I’m in the middle of something I had hoped to finish.

As moms, we learn early on that our kids will often interrupt us at the worst times. And if they don’t interrupt us for a while, we also learn that something’s up and we need to check and see why things are so quiet, right?

But most of the time, the interruptions are relentless. Even if you just helped one of your kids, they’ll turn up with a new request five minutes later. I used to say that I hadn’t had an uninterrupted thought since 1983, and I wasn’t kidding, really. As a result, I don’t have anywhere near the attention span I had in college, where I could spend hours in the library stacks doing historical research. Now I’m lucky to stick with a book for an hour.

How do we handle so many interruptions without blowing up? Steve Brown’s advice is not what you might expect. After giving the example of Jesus being interrupted on his way to the home of a man with a dying daughter by a woman who needed His healing touch, he says:

1)      “…the Bible is full of interruptions from Genesis to Revelation…and all of them are under the guidance of a sovereign God who “works all things according to the counsel of his will” (Ephesians 1:11), writing the story of redemption and a monument to his glory.”

2)      God’s ways are circuitous and whatever you think God is doing, He probably isn’t. That means the trick is to “go with the flow” of what God has ordained. Nothing is an interruption…at least to God who planned it.”

Whoa! So when I got irritated with one of my kids when they interrupted me, I was really getting irritated with God? Yikes…good thing He’s a forgiving God.  🙂

Then there’s the kicker:

3)      “But there is more than just recognizing the God we worship is a God of interruptions. We must also learn to set aside the irritation and be thankful for the interruption. Paul wrote that we are to “give thanks always and for everything” (Ephesians 5:20). It’s a radical and counterintuitive thought.”

Yes, it is! That said, I wish I’d heard his advice years ago, when I was deep in the middle of active motherhood and felt like I couldn’t get a thing crossed off my to-do list because of all the interruptions. Clearly God was organizing my days, not me! I just didn’t see it at the time.

Flashback Friday: How Many Hours?

One of my least favorite questions that I’m asked by non-homeschoolers is, “How many hours a day do you homeschool?”

Let’s face it, answering this question is like tip-toeing through a minefield. Depending on the viewpoint of the questioner, you may not be doing enough, or you may be overdoing it. The former is usually the case, but in either case, your answer may not be what they want to hear.

I’m often asked that question by new or prospective homeschoolers, too. Faced with the proposition of recreating the seven or eight-hour day they remember from their own school years, they wonder how they’re going to be able to fill those hours, and whether they can handle it.

I like to tell them the story of my five-year stint as a Sunday school teacher at my church. I began teaching Sunday school after I had been homeschooling for about ten years. Needless to say, I was accustomed to working one-on-one with my kids, and that’s a pretty efficient way to teach, and to learn. Of course, I knew that I couldn’t expect the same efficiency when teaching 10 or 12 fourth-graders for an hour, but I still didn’t realize the extent to which it would be different.

Every Saturday night, I diligently read the teacher’s guide and the Bible lesson, and made a list of activities as suggested by the lesson plan. Since those were usually rather dry, I’d throw in a few ideas of my own, including a game, or a passage from a book…something to make things more interesting. To me, it was important that we had enough activities to do. I didn’t want to find myself standing in front of the class with 15 minutes to go and nothing left to do with them.

I needn’t have worried. I soon discovered that it was going to be impossible to even start class on time. Kids trickled in for about the first ten minutes, and each one’s arrival interrupted what we were doing. Taking attendance was not as easy as it sounds, because the kids would interrupt each other with stories of what they’d been doing lately, or they’d ask me for a drink of water or permission to visit the restroom.

Once we got started on the lesson, we’d be interrupted by dropped or broken pencils, someone kicking someone else under the table, someone falling out of their chair (this happened fairly often), or someone who had a question because they hadn’t been listening.

I still recall the day I was trying to get through to them the concept of Jesus’ resurrection. They seemed interested, and they were asking good questions, but then one young man raised his hand, and when I called on him he very seriously informed the class and me that his dog liked to eat breath mints. The rest of the class burst into laughter, he looked around confused at their reaction, and I realized any impact my lesson had made was now lost.

I taught Sunday school for five years, and I hope my students learned what they needed to know. What I learned is that teaching in a classroom setting can be very inefficient, especially when compared to homeschooling. I was accustomed to accomplishing a lot in a little time with my kids, but when it came to Sunday school classes, I learned that it was a good day if I accomplished anything.

Sunday school lasts an hour. Multiply that by seven or eight to get an idea of how much inefficiency you’d find over the course of a day of formal school. Getting everyone into their seats, taking attendance, quieting them down…and that may be for each class period. Then there’s the misbehavior, the back-talk…all those things that kids do when they’re determined to keep the teacher off-track.

Let’s compare that to homeschooling. By giving our children our undivided attention for a while, we can answer their questions, share information with them, and make sure they understand what we’ve taught them. It’s pretty simple and straightforward, and it doesn’t take several hours a day. I usually tell new homeschoolers that in the early years, I spent maybe an hour (90 minutes tops) “doing school” with my kids. By high school, it was more like an hour or two working with them, and an additional hour or two of them working independently.

Most non-homeschoolers don’t need that much information, though. They are really asking me if my children are getting what they need to become “educated,” as society sees it. If I give them an actual number of hours, they may not approve because we’ve only ever done a few hours a day of formal study. A quoted number of hours wouldn’t be accurate anyway, because like most homeschooled kids, mine have learned many more things outside of formal study than they have from it.

What I’ve found works best when non-homeschoolers ask how many hours of school we do each day is replying, “As many hours as it takes.” It seems to satisfy them, and I know it’s an honest answer, because my children are learning throughout their waking hours. It also forces them to put a number to it; since they’re accustomed to the inefficient ways of public schools, they’re probably thinking of a larger number of hours than I am. Works for me!

(Excerpted from The Imperfect Homeschooler’s Guide to Homeschooling, available HERE.)

Newsflash! Homeschooled Couple Finds Each Other W/O Courtship (Gasp!)

Recently I saw yet another homeschool magazine article about the courtship vs. dating dispute. It kind of made me chuckle because this couple in the middle of the photo above is the latest pair of newlyweds in our family. They met at tech school, discovered that one of the things they had in common was that they were homeschooled, were friends for a couple of years and then starting dating. And now we have a new son-in-law!

My husband and I had nothing to do with these two meeting up except that we prayed all these years for our children and, if God intended for them to get married, their future spouses. We trusted God to bring them together, just as He brought us together back in the 1970s.

So that’s how I weigh in on the courtship vs. dating argument…Oh, one more thing. I’ve heard a few parents say they’d hate to think of who their parents would have set them up with had they used the courtship model. Well, I know who mine would have set me up with. My father met a wealthy young man who was looking for a wife. Dad wanted one of his four daughters to marry this guy, but none of us could stand him. Some time later, my husband and I even double-dated with him and my sister-in-law but she didn’t like him either. For all his bucks, his personality was somewhat obnoxious.

I still say we can trust God to bring the right people together at the right time!

Flashback Friday: Reading Aloud: Not Just for Toddlers!

I’d never heard of Joe Hill, author of Heart-Shaped Box, a novel so promising that its movie rights were sold six months’ prior to its publication. But apparently he’s the son of well-known novelist Stephen King. He chose to use his first and middle names as his pen name so that he could break into writing without riding on his father’s coat tails (or his mother’s—she’s writer Tabitha King). His younger brother is also a writer, and his older sister is at work on a non-fiction book. So, how did they all end up to be writers? According to an article I read:

The King children’s interest in books and writing took root early on. “It sounds very Victorian, but we would sit around and read aloud nightly, in the living room or on the porch,” Hill recalled. “This was something we kept on doing until I was in high school, at least.”

This is a good lesson for those of us homeschooling parents who think our older children and teens are too old for read-aloud family time: it obviously worked for the King family!

Originally posted 3/17/07

Flashback Friday: Burned Out and Fed Up

A reader writes that she is totally burned out on homeschooling, is about ready to put her child in middle school, and asks for my help. It’s the end of a very busy day, and I’m probably not as articulate as I could be because I’m tired, but here’s what I wrote to her. Maybe it will hit the spot for you or someone you know:

Burnout means you need to take a break from the way you’re doing things, and think about where you’re going down the wrong path.

Not all kids want to “do school.” Sometimes the problem is that the schoolwork they’re doing is boring. Other times the problem is a rebellious child who doesn’t want to do what she needs to do. Which is the problem in your house right now? (I’ve experienced both, sometimes simultaneously!)

A teacher friend of mine calls middle school a box full of raging hormones. It’s not something to be taken lightly. Putting your child there could turn out to be a case of jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Think seriously (and if you’re a Christian, pray!) before you make this decision.

When I’ve felt burned out in the past (I mean major burnout, not just “I’m tired of this”), I’ve found that taking a break from the materials we’re using can help. Sometimes we need a few weeks of museum days and doing things at home like sketching outdoors, baking, sewing, etc. to rejuvenate our spirits. And if it’s a rebellious child, there’s nothing like taking a week off to clean the basement or attic to make them appreciate school.

Hope that helps. Hang in there, and know that this homeschooling thing is not always an easy road, but that it will pay off in the end. My first-born, the rebellious child who is to blame for much of my gray hair, is now 23 and has thanked me more than once for homeschooling her. Who would have thought the kid who said I was torturing her by making her do school would eventually thank me???

Originally posted 3/8/2007