Category Archives: Home & Family

Homemaking, parenting and special needs

The Young Teen in Your House

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In His Solitude by Charly Palmer
In His Solitude

Little kids love summer. Big kids love summer. But what about teens?

My kids looked forward to every summer until they became teens, and then everything changed. Suddenly, running through the sprinkler just didn’t thrill them anymore.

I was used to them rising early to run out and play with their friends. But once the teen years hit, they’d sleep later and later, completely missing summer mornings and sometimes needing to be called for lunch.

I remember worrying that my older son would suffocate in his room. By 11 am, he was still sound asleep with the window shut tight while the sun heated up that end of the house. My attempts to rouse him were greeted by growls, as though he were a confused bear who thought he was still hibernating through the winter.

Once conscious, he’d stumble downstairs, where the hunger that had built up over 12 or 13 hours of sleep made him eat as though he’d gone days without food. His enormous breakfast would segue into lunch with the rest of us, and he kept on eating. Then he’d head outside to play basketball with friends for the afternoon, come home in time to eat an enormous dinner, and play on the computer before lapsing back into his night-time coma.

I learned from friends with older children that this was actually par for the course for growing teen boys. Looking back, it makes sense to me now. After all, it takes a lot of rest and nourishment to grow to 6″ 4″ and wear a size 16 shoe! But at the time, I was quite mystified.

Do you have a young teen in your house this summer? Are you mystified by some of the things you’re seeing him or her do? As teens’ bodies change, their emotions and behaviors change, too. Learn more about how to live with your teen in my free Special Report, “Ten Tips for Coping with Temperamental Teens.”

Prayers and Smiles

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We have a couple of medical issues in our family lately, plus we’re having trouble finding a house (we’re supposed to be moving in a month!) So please pray for us, if you feel led to do so. (Thanks!)

In the meantime, I’m looking for smiles wherever I can find them. Here’s something that made me smile, and I want to share it with you:

Summer Learning….It’s All Been Arranged

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One of the best things about summer is that it reminds us that educating our children is not just up to us.

You’ll see this when you watch your child at the beach. I get to do this a lot because we’re blessed to have a beach a few blocks from our house. We can spend a lot of time there during the two warm months that comprise summer in northeast Wisconsin.

At the beach, my son takes his shovel and bucket and creates mountains, castles, roads, levees….he just lets his imagination loose and he has a ball. I don’t have to participate at all. In fact, now that he’s older, he prefers that I butt out! He has his own ideas.

When I watch him problem-solve after the tide takes down part of a wall of his castle, or when stray toddlers march through his masterpiece, leaving destruction in their wake, I’m reminded yet again that he’s capable of learning all on his own. He not only fixes the problem, but makes the project even better in the process.

Now, this particular son is 16 and developmentally delayed, but I saw the same thing in my older children when they were young, and I’m sure you see it in yours. God enables everyone to learn. While we homeschooling parents work hard to make a good learning environment for our children, it’s not up to us to make things happen. God has already taken care of that part.

This knowledge can be very freeing, if you’re a conscientious mom who wants to make sure her children learn what they need to know. This summer, give your children a bucket and a magnifying glass and take them to a pond so they can inspect the pond water for living creatures. Hand them a package of colored chalk and let them loose on the driveway or sidewalk. Don’t get involved in what they’re doing. Just watch, and you’ll see what I mean.

Entertaining Themselves

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Being a homeschool mom means being on a schedule; there’s just no way around it. The many activities available to each of our children (music, sports, co-op, church, etc.) must be organized somehow, and we’re the ones responsible for that job.

It’s easy to stay in that groove during the summer. There may not be as many activities available as during the school year, but there’s certainly no shortage. Signing the kids up for summer activities can become something we do automatically. But that could be a mistake.

I’m old enough to remember a time when there were very few summer activities available to kids beyond swimming lessons at the community pool. What did kids do back then? We entertained ourselves!

 

We played games, we had races, we played Barbies, we played baseball.

We ran through the sprinkler, we drew on the sidewalk with chalk, we played hopscotch, we ran lemonade stands.

We rode our bikes, we read library books, we planted and weeded gardens, we played hide-and-seek.

We went to the park, we played on the front porch, we had Kool-Aid and cookies on the patio, and when it got dark, we played Ghost in the Graveyard on the corner under the streetlight.

 

And all the time we were doing those things, where were our moms? Not entertaining us, that’s where. They were used to having the day to themselves while we were in school, and they weren’t going to give that up. We were expected to be off playing while our moms were busy cooking, cleaning or watching soap operas. We weren’t very concerned about what our moms were doing, because we were having too much fun outside.

Kind of gets you thinking, doesn’t it?

One-on-One Time

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As I said a few weeks ago, sometimes we do school in the summer, and sometimes we don’t. But in both cases, we have a much more relaxed schedule. It certainly helps that the church cuts back on activities for the summer, as does our homeschool group.

A looser schedule lets moms spend more one-on-one time with each child. Having four children, I found that I often looked at them as a group; the laid-back feeling of summer seemed to give me permission to take time alone with each of them, and we sure enjoyed that.

How to spend that time? That was never a problem with the girls. My eldest loved to go shopping with me, while my younger daughter preferred time spent doing something together, like baking or sewing.

As for the boys, my older son wasn’t as interested in spending time alone with good old Mom as he was having her take him somewhere he wanted to go or to get something he wanted without the whole gang trooping along. And that was fine; I learned that even time spent sitting in traffic and talking uninterrupted was good for both of us.

My younger son was used to having alone time with me every week because I drove him to a speech therapist an hour away. We’d sing in the car and stop for McDonald’s somewhere en route, and that was enough for him. However, he was also very happy to have my full attention on those rare occasions when my husband took the older three to an amusement park for the day, or the movies for an afternoon.

Spending time alone with your children, one on one, helps your relationship with each of them grow in a different way than when the whole group is together. Summertime is the perfect time to start a routine of occasional one-on one-time. Why not give it a try?