Tag Archives: homeschooling

Homeschooling to Prevent Rebellion

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One of the many reasons I wanted to homeschool is that I didn’t want rebellious teenagers.

The homeschool magazine I read back then (before there were many homeschool magazines at all) was great for keeping me enthused and inspired about homeschooling before I was even doing it. The articles in it assured me that as long as my kids were homeschooled in a Christian home where God’s Word was taught, there would be no rebellion. In fact, more than one writer insisted that teen rebellion is not only unbiblical, but is also a product of our society, unique to our modern times.

I bought that argument completely. Besides, I was so busy keeping up with my growing family that I didn’t have time to consider the biblical stories of the Prodigal Son (rebellion) and the behavior of the Israelites in the desert (repeated rebellion). All I knew is that I didn’t want my kids to become the self-absorbed teens I’d seen in our extended family, our church and our neighborhood.

Fast-forward to 2004. I’m one of the veteran homeschoolers in my support group, where I meet homeschooling newbies who love their adorable little ones so much, who enjoy their innocence to such an extent, that they fear what will happen when their children hit their teens. One recently told me, “I can’t bear the thought that they will change into people I don’t like!”

This presents me with a dilemma. I can whitewash my response so the newbies can stay in their comfort zone, or I can be honest and risk a “shoot the messenger” situation. So if you, dear reader, want to stay in your comfort zone, I suggest you click over to another page of this site. You’re not going to like the rest of this article, because the truth is, even when you’re Christian, even when you homeschool and study the Bible together and pray together, and even when you do all those things and Dad works at home and is involved in your children’s lives on a daily basis, you will still have rebellious teenagers.

Maybe.

The thing is, it depends on the teen. I’ve seen homeschooled teens sail through those years as calmly as though nothing had changed. I’ve also seen kids from wonderful Christian families turn into scary-looking, sullen people. I’ve even seen both of these happen in my own home.

The word “seen” is important, though, when it comes to teens, because what you see may or may not be what you get. Inside the young lady with the ever-changing hair color and pierced eyebrow may beat the heart of someone who is passionate about the unborn and has a sincere concern for the underprivileged of this world. Conversely, inside the young lady wearing the flowered jumper and no makeup may beat the heart of someone who is just biding her time until she is old enough to jump ship and live life her way, no matter how unbiblical her way may be.

What’s a parent to do? It’s scary to think that the loving, sweet-natured six-year-old who lives in your house may turn into someone you don’t like eight or ten years from now. What will you do if that happens?

The answer is to love that child anyway. Love is a verb, you know. No matter what you feel inside when you see your formerly winsome child with a snarl, or funny-looking hair, or even a face covered with zits, you love them with your words and with your actions (which include discipline, but that’s another article in itself). You love them even when you don’t feel very loving towards them. It’s not easy. I don’t think it can even be done without lots of prayer. But it must be done.

Because the rebellion, the strange clothes and behavior, the gangly appearance-these things will pass. For some kids, rebellion is part of the process of separating from the family. We parents know we are here to work ourselves out of a job by raising kids who grow into independent adults. Some kids can make that transition smoothly, while others have to fight their way to independence. And even the kids who sail through their teen years often surprise you with a few rebellious issues when they reach young adulthood and are out of your reach. Still, as the saying goes, this too will pass. They come through on the other side as mature versions of the little people you once knew, but this time without the dependency on Mom and Dad.

So if you’re homeschooling because you don’t want rebellious teens, I’m sorry to tell you there are no guarantees. But if you’re homeschooling because you love your kids, then you’re on the right track, because practice in loving your kids can only help. You may have to face a time where you discover that despite your best efforts, despite years of homeschooling and a loving Christian home environment, your child has turned into someone you don’t always like very much. But hang in there and keep loving that “someone” anyway, because the best is yet to come.

“….he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NIV).

Note: If you are struggling with a rebellious teen, I highly recommend the book Prodigals and Those Who Love Them: Words of Encouragement for Those Who Wait by Ruth Bell Graham.

Excerpted from Stages of Homeschooling: Letting Go (Book 3), available HERE.

Making Time to be Alone

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We all need time alone. We need time to think, to dream, and to create….without relentless interruptions from our children.

Finding time to be alone is especially difficult for those of us who homeschool, because we’re with our children so much. But we aren’t superhuman, no matter what outsiders may think. We need to be refreshed. The hard part is figuring out how to do that.

It sure gets easier once your children are older. I recently found that one of the quickest ways to find myself alone is to put on my DVD, Josh Groban’s “Live at the Greek” (or, as my husband calls it, “Live at the Geek.”) You should see my loved ones scatter when it comes on! Another surefire road to solitude is my collection of Doris Day movies. The opening credits of “That Touch of Mink” send my kids flying out of the room as if it were on fire.

Still, it wasn’t always so easy to find myself alone. There was a time when I was outnumbered 4 to 1, and I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without someone banging on the door with some real or imagined emergency. Back then, I truly believed I would never be alone again. If only I had bought those Doris Day videos sooner…..

My point here is that you must carve out some regular time alone for yourself to prevent homeschool burnout, a very real occurrence that you’ll want to avoid. Some homeschool moms feel guilty for wanting time to themselves. Don’t! Even Jesus took time to be alone and pray….it’s important to regroup when you need to.

Working moms have time alone while commuting and on their lunch breaks. Most stay-at-home moms experience time alone once they send their children off to school, which these days can be as early as age two. But those of us who homeschool are never alone, it seems, especially during the early years of raising our families. (I love sleep, but I actually enjoyed waking up for middle-of-the-night feedings of my third and fourth babies because the house was quiet and no one was talking to me!)

Believe it or not, there will come a time when you can be alone for minutes, even hours, at a time, on a regular basis! But if that’s far down the road for you, don’t wait that long. Try to schedule some time for yourself now, when you really need it. Snag your husband, a close friend or Grandma to keep track of the kids, and set a date for your time alone.

You can start small, by going for a walk alone. Doing the grocery shopping is much easier and quicker if you do it by yourself. Find a Ladies’ Bible study that keeps its meetings brief. (I joined my church’s hour-long evening class when my youngest was six months old—what a blessing! I ended up attending that class every week for 14 years.)

As your family becomes accustomed to Mom’s little breaks, stay out a little longer. Take an exercise class, or a crafts class. It’s a nice break to be the student instead of the teacher. Find another mom and go out for coffee and chat. The time will fly!

Whatever you do, try to enjoy yourself. Don’t feel guilty if there were tears when you left the house. They may cry, but the kids need a break from you, too. Besides, they’ll appreciate you more when you come back.

(Excerpted from Stages of Homeschooling (Book 1): Beginnings, available HERE.)

Take Control of Your Family’s Schedule

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The doctor found Jodi Smith sitting in his office, sobbing quietly into a tissue.

“Why, Mrs. Smith,” he exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, everything!” She began crying louder.

“Now, now…” the doctor soothed. “Tell me what’s made you so unhappy.”

” I’m just so tired all the time, and I feel so overwhelmed. Each day is harder than the last.”

The doctor’s look of concern eased a bit.

“Are you trying to do too many things? Many women today have that problem. Tell me, what’s a typical day like for you?”

“Well, I have three children, and I homeschool them. Every day we do school from 8 to noon, and then we grab a quick bite and head out to Spanish class, and then we go to…”

And Jodi spent the next five minutes describing her weekly schedule of soccer, co-op, music lessons, language classes and field trips. By the time she was finished, she was crying even harder, and the doctor looked somewhat distressed.

“Mrs. Smith, I’m afraid you’re on the verge of a nervous collapse. You need some rest, that’s for sure. You can’t keep on this way. I recommend that you put your children in school and get a job with far less stress than you’re used to….say, as a 911 operator or an air traffic controller.”

The good doctor has a point. Once we become slaves to an overscheduled homeschooling life, we’re living in a high-stress atmosphere. There really is no opportunity for us to rest.

Believe it or not, this wasn’t really a problem when I began homeschooling. For one thing, there weren’t nearly as many opportunities for outside activities. In some states, homeschooling parents were being put in jail, and so we tended to stay at home a lot during school hours.

When we did venture out, it was often for field trips to plays and museums, places where people expect to see schoolchildren in the middle of a weekday.

As homeschooling became more accepted, parents began to feel more comfortable about going out and about during the day, and so we had weekly park days, where the kids played freely and the moms sat with their babies and ate and talked. It was all very low-key and relaxing. Occasionally, we’d gather at someone’s house for a visit, and once again, it was the kids’ job to find something to do while we relaxed and had our own “socialization” time.

There were few if any outside classes or lessons other than organized sports or swim lessons at the Y. And yet our kids did not grow up to be slackers. Almost every child my children knew back then turned out to be a responsible hard-working adult, at least that I’m aware of.

I look back very fondly on those days, because everyone was having such a good time. It made for a very nice lifestyle, one that I’ve tried to replicate with my younger kids. That’s not easy, because there are so many “enrichment” options today that weren’t available back then. But I’ve lived in that low-stress atmosphere so long that I’m not willing to give it up.

I just wish I could convey to some of the moms behind me on the homeschooling road that it can still be done. I get email from them about how stressed out they are, and how much trouble they’re having keeping up with everything, and I feel sorry for them. Some give up and send their kids to school. They can’t keep up the pace, or they’re tired of the responsibility of keeping their kids occupied 24/7.

We do our kids a disservice by keeping them busy all the time. They need to learn to keep themselves occupied. They’re completely capable of learning and playing freely, but they have to be given the opportunity. And when they are, we’re given a break, and that’s what moms like us need. Driving kids around all the time means you get very little free time for yourself, much less time to cook or pay the bills or touch base with extended family. Those things on your to-do list get pushed aside because there’s no time after the kids’ activities. Those neglected responsibilities weigh on your mind, adding to your stress level.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. You’re in control of the family schedule. Unless you thrive on a very booked-up agenda, one with enough stress to wear out an air traffic controller at LAX, consider paring down the number of things your family is involved in, so that all of you can have a more relaxed way of life.

(Excerpted from Stages of Homeschooling (Book 2): Enjoying the Journey, available HERE.)

“Doing School” Isn’t All Bad

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It occurs to me that by explaining how I learned to let my kids pursue learning, I might be making it seem like my kids’ homeschooling years were spent in free exploration. But that’s not what happened.

For many years I “did school” with my kids on a regular schedule using formal curriculum. I did it that way because it was the only way I knew how to do school: the way I’d been taught. Of course I didn’t like the way I was taught (as a child, I deeply resented the daily boredom of school), but I tried to make it more fun for my kids than it had been for me. Also, until they reached their teen years, I tried to finish up before lunch so they could have their afternoons free to do what interested them. So I do think they had a better educational experience than I did.

One of the reasons I “did school” for so long was that my husband wanted to make sure the kids were at grade level. Not long after we began homeschooling, a homeschooling friend of ours passed away, suddenly and unexpectedly, and her husband had to put their kids in school. Since their mother had made sure they could do schoolwork at the appropriate grade level, they were able to assimilate academically at the school run by our church. Knowing this, my husband wanted to make sure our kids would be at grade level if anything happened to me. I agreed and made sure their studies were at grade level.

Of course what we soon discovered, after having our kids take achievement tests, was that they were usually a couple of grade levels (and in some areas, several grade levels) ahead of their age mates. So over time, I was able to relax when it came to requiring them to study certain subjects every day.

That said, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to include some basics in each homeschooling day. It’s kind of like eating vegetables; they’re good for you, so eating some every day is a wise move. Besides, you don’t have to spend hours on math or spelling; a little every day goes a long way.

Nervous About Another Year of Homeschooling?

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In a few months I’m going to meet my first grandchild, a little boy. (I can hardly wait!) I enjoyed my children’s baby years so much, and friends tell me being a grandma is even more fun. How can that be possible? I’ll find out soon.

One of the things I enjoyed most about my babies was their bright little minds. Almost from the time they were born, it seemed, they were scoping out their world, eyes wide and curious. As they grew, I was amazed at how ready they were to explore with their eyes, their hands, their mouths, and before long, by crawling and walking. I didn’t have to coax them to do this; I just had to make their world safe for exploration.

Take my eldest son, for instance, the father of my upcoming grandchild. When he was a baby, he was easy to care for, a mellow guy (as long as his tummy was full and his diaper was dry). Before I started making supper each night, I’d put him in his baby seat on the kitchen counter and hang a little squeaky stuffed bluebird right in front of him. At first he’d just stare at it. Before long he was cooing at it. And then one night he took a swat at it! This became a fun game for him. For weeks I cooked supper to the sounds of him cooing and the bluebird squeaking as he whacked it and chortled.

I’m sure this activity was good for his eye-hand coordination (and may even have led to his love of baseball!) But it was also a good lesson for me: he learned to do this without my coaxing, prodding, or insistence. I gave him a learning environment, and his God-given intelligence took care of the rest.

Of course I’d forgotten times like this when I first started homeschooling my kids. I often parked them in front of textbooks and “taught” them and expected them to learn. And they did, but before long it became a chore. There was no intense interest, no chortling.

Over time I discovered that true learning requires the interest and desire of the student. I had read this in books by John Holt, but what really cemented it was seeing my children pursue their interests and excel in them. By the time they were teens, my participation primarily involved driving them to a limited number of activities of their choice and paying for the books and/or supplies needed in their pursuits. The rest was up to them, and that God-given intelligence I first saw when they were tiny.

So if you’re a bit nervous about whether you’re buying the right curriculum this year, or whether you’re going to be up for another year of homeschooling, consider that much of the task of educating your children is up to them; if you create a vibrant learning environment, answer their questions and facilitate learning by obtaining what they need, you can count on them to do the rest.

As for me, my kids are grown and I’m not homeschooling anymore, which leaves me a lot more time to make things for the baby  🙂