Tag Archives: homeschooling

“The ABCs of Homeschooling” starts Wednesday

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Let’s do something different this summer! “The Imperfect Homeschooler” newsletter will be back in September. Until then I’ll be sending out brief but encouraging messages about homeschooling to every subscriber. They’re called “The ABCs of Homeschooling,” and they start this Wednesday, 6/15/11. I thought this would be a simple way to keep that homeschooling fire burning all summer, whether or not you plan on actually doing school over summer break  🙂

If you’re a subscriber to “The Imperfect Homeschooler” newsletter, you’ll automatically receive “The ABCs of Homeschooling.” Not a subscriber? Don’t miss out on a single letter of the alphabet this summer: sign up HERE.

Not My Battle

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For many years, I’ve kept this little note tucked in the clipboard that I use for my son’s lesson plans.

I needed this note because teaching Josh has been a long-term proposition. He picks up some things slowly and other things not at all. We’ve been doing educational activities together for years; at times, especially at first, I got very discouraged because I was used to the steady learning pace of my older, “typical” children. This verse has always been a good reminder for me and helped me keep at it no matter how I felt.

Today was Josh’s last day of school in the eyes of the state because he turned 18 this semester. I was in Target yesterday and saw “Graduation 2011” paper plates and cups on clearance; it gave me a funny feeling because that would be Josh’s class. We decided not to make a big deal of his graduation because then he would think he never had to “do school” with me again. His sister said he’d probably think it was another birthday party. I don’t know about that (although he would definitely be expecting presents).  🙂

I don’t want him to think he’ll never sit down and work with me again. He has a lot to learn, and people with Down syndrome have a learning curve that’s always going up (albeit slowly) throughout their lives. What they couldn’t pick up at age 10 might be absorbed at age 20 or 30. That’s why we’re not looking at today as the end of his education.

That said, teaching him will become more informal. He’s finally gotten good at asking us questions, so my husband and I will always be a part of his education. But as for the requirement of doing a certain amount of school each year, well, that’s over now.

It’s a weird feeling. I’ve been homeschooling since I was in my 20s. What do I do now? Being over 50, I’m not getting responses to the resumes I send out (then again, why would they want someone who’s been out of the full-time workforce for nearly 30 years?). It’s both scary and exciting to wonder what’s next.

I think I’ll keep this little scrap of paper; it can remind me that God knows what the future holds, and that He’ll help me overcome discouragement about the future just as He helped me overcome discouragement about educating Josh.

Control Freak Homeschooling Parents?

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(UPDATE 10/17/18 SEE BELOW)

I recently read a comment on an online article that said something to the effect of “Homeschooling parents are control freaks who want to run their children’s lives.”

It bugged me, yet I realized that there’s some truth to that statement. While no one wants to be called a control freak, and most homeschooling parents’ goal is to raise their children to become independent young adults, the fact is that there are a lot of dangers in this world that we parents want to keep away from our children. Many of them are found in public schools, but there are also everyday dangers that we want to avoid; homeschooling allows us to avoid them.

For example, homeschooled children have more opportunities to get physical exercise than other children. They’re not stuck at a desk for many hours a day. They can run outside and play whenever the weather isn’t bad. They have plenty of free time to use in physical pursuits such as tree-climbing, basketball playing and walking the dog, because they’re not tied to a daily school schedule. So unless their parents make them do online school for eight hours a day, they’re getting more exercise than most children.

This helps them avoid the common danger of childhood obesity, which is worsening. In fact, a recent study found that today’s children actually have less physical strength and carry more fat than the children of the late 1990s. So when homeschooling parents “control their children’s environment,” they’re actually giving their children a healthier lifestyle than they would have if they went to school.

Another danger that many homeschooling parents avoid is allowing their children random and unsupervised Internet access before they’re old enough to handle it. When I was doing research for my new book, I was shocked to learn the extent to which cyberbullying has spread, and how much it has hurt children, to the point that some of them are committing suicide. Then there’s the potential for pedophiles to reach them through online contact—ugh.

Yet today’s schoolchildren often carry Internet access on their bodies in the form of iTouches and Smartphones. At home, they have unfettered access to the Internet. Their parents say they let them conduct their social lives on the Internet because they don’t want them to feel left out. Relatives with young children tell me that party invitations are now distributed online, so if you want your child to be included, you have to let them be on Facebook (which is now actively pursuing children under the age of 13).

This is another danger homeschooling parents can avoid. By not giving our kids unsupervised round-the-clock access to the Internet until they’re old enough to handle it, we can protect them from the dangers that lurk there. Some will call that being a control freak. I call it something else: parenting.

How about you? Do you encourage your children to run and play outside? Do you have full or partial restrictions on their Internet use? Do you mind being called a control freak homeschooling parent? I’d love to get your take on this.

UPDATE 10/17/18: Things have only gotten worse since I wrote this post seven years ago. Schoolkids are fatter than ever, and even some preschoolers have smartphones now. As for “control freak homeschooling parents,” I can only pray that their numbers have increased, and therefore, the number of children being protected from these dangers has also increased.

Trust Your Child, Trust Yourself

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Have you ever noticed how many experts there are in the world?

Even an hour spent on the Internet makes it clear that experts are everywhere: some are experts by virtue of their life experiences or training (I value the first more than the second; how about you?) and others are self-proclaimed experts. After all, it seems like nearly everyone has a blog these days where they share their “expert” advice.

Then there are the women’s magazines, which proliferate around checkout counters across the land, with blaring headlines declaring “Your Body: Advice from the Experts!”, “How the iPad Can Release the Genius Inside Your Child” and “50 Ways to Please Your Man!”

Everywhere we go, it seems we’re surrounded by experts. Their proclamations can make us feel unprepared and diminish our confidence, particularly when it comes to parenting our children. Continue reading →

Homeschooled Kids and Rebellion

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One of the most popular articles on my website is “Homeschooling to Prevent Rebellion.” I think I’ve received more email about that article than any other I’ve written.

Let’s face it: many of us choose to homeschool our children partly (mostly?) because we want them to turn out “right.” The craziness of the public school environment makes it obvious to us that sending our children there is a dangerous decision. But if we teach them at home, we can educate them more efficiently using the materials of our choice (as opposed to the materials chosen by our local school board) while also teaching them how to control their behavior so that they become happy, productive adults, at the very least. Ideally, if we have a faith tradition, we want to share that faith with our children, too.

This is all well and good, but sometimes the responsibility we take on for homeschooling our children, which can seem huge and all-encompassing, leads us to believe that our children’s proper development is completely up to us. That would work if our children were puppets. But they’re individuals given free will by God. This complicates things.

To make matters worse, some speakers and writers in the Christian homeschool community insist that the sole purpose for homeschooling is to raise Christians. They may be well-intentioned, but what they’re doing is loading down parents with a burden they weren’t intended to carry. Because while it’s our job to “raise up our children in the way they should go,” we don’t have the power to make them Christians, or even to make them good.

I really like how Tim Sanford put it in his book, Losing Control & Liking It:

“…embrace the reality that whatever you do as a parent, your teenager still has that gift of free will. You could do everything right and your teenager could still choose stupid. That part is not your fault, even if it breaks your heart.”

He mentions the father of the prodigal son and the pain he went through, and then adds:

“What is your job?

To validate and nurture.

What’s not your job?

To make your teenager turn out right.

Learn to be content with these realities, and your life as a parent will be a lot easier.”

I’m aware of a lot of bewildered homeschooling parents who are just now facing the difficulties of having a rebellious teen. I feel for them because I’ve been there. It’s a lonely place. And the pain doesn’t necessarily go away once the child hits 18. In fact, for some homeschooled kids, the outward rebellion doesn’t reach full strength until then.

There’s no easy way through this. If you crack down hard on your offspring, you’ll likely push them further away. Yet you can’t give up on your principles, because they’re part of raising your children “in the way they should go.” What you can do is pray for yourself and your child. And never forget that God loves your children even more than you do.