How Schools Help Turn Children into Coddled Young Adults

Posted on September 28, 2018 by Barbara Frank

People are complaining that the milennials won’t grow up, and in many cases they’re right. But who’s at fault? Their parents for coddling them, and the schools for treating teens like children.

This article points out what limited freedom today’s teens have. Even working is seen as inferior to going to school. Back in the 1970s, teens who didn’t want to go to college could go to school until noon and then leave for work. Now, if they work, they’re dragged back to the waste of time that is modern high school. Never mind that those first few jobs get young people on the road to eventually supporting themselves by giving them a taste of earning their own money.

While you’re there, scroll down and check out the chart in that same article, the chart showing the growth in students, teacher and administrators since 1950. There hasn’t even been 100% growth in the number of students, but we’ve gained 252% in the number of teachers, and a whopping 702% in the number of administrators.

Clearly public education has become a cash cow for many people, while preparing teens for adulthood takes a back seat. Savvy parents will put their teens’ needs first and help them get ready for adulthood without waiting for permission from the school, while homeschooling parents have the freedom to make the teen years a launching pad into adulthood, which is as it should be.

(Prepare your teen for adulthood with my book, Life Prep for Homeschooled Teenagers, now available in an expanded third edition, and also newly released as an eBook.)

Teens are Being Hired Again

Posted on June 1, 2018 by Barbara Frank

What good news: in some parts of the country, companies are hiring teens again. This article describes the kinds of jobs some of these kids are doing. We’re not just talking fast-food jobs, but jobs that offer a future, even if it just means earning enough to be able to pay for future training.

The young man who is still in high school and also works part-time “operating mechanical design software to create aircraft parts” reminds me of my husband, who worked a drafting job in high school which led to his future career. I’m so glad to hear such opportunities are becoming available to teens again!

Teens Who Do More Than Just Text

Posted on February 2, 2018 by Barbara Frank

Give a kid some space and some tools and some wood, and he’ll actually do something clever with it. This proves not all teens are glued to their smartphones:

Thoughts for a Bitter Homeschool Mom

Posted on October 27, 2014 by Barb

Recently I saw the following comment on a forum where the topic was Common Core:

I pulled my youngest out of school when he came home and told me, with his sweet little lisp, that his teacher said “Africa was in Asia.”

He was in first grade.

Pull your kids OUT! If you think you’re in a “good” school district, think again. Similarly, if you think you’re in a good private school, think again. Please! Both parents don’t need to work — if necessary, downscale. One parent, usually the mother, can easily handle the education of the kids.

Fathers, please heed: As a woman, I destroyed my career for my kids. Any woman who has kids and takes the time to educate them — even if she hires tutors and spends her time driving the little cretins around to various “learning” activities — will sacrifice her future in ways you will never understand. As your career takes off, her career is plummeting. And its not as if she’ll be able to start again where she left off many years ago. It’s over for her. So, please, remember that when your harried wife plunges into despair as she spends her best years (40/50s) trying to rekindle her mind and work-life.

I was completely with the commenter in the first few paragraphs, but that last one blew me away. Wow! She sure sounds bitter and depressed.

And yet I can relate to her. While I’ve never thought of my children as “cretins” (that’s where I began seeing the bitterness in this comment), I understand the despair she feels. Because I’ve been there more than once since I retired from homeschooling three years ago.

If I could, I would remind this woman than homeschooling is not some minor commitment you make in addition to church and Neighborhood Watch and Zumba class. Homeschooling, when done well, will eat up your life. It’s a huge lifestyle choice that requires enormous dedication. And when you’re done homeschooling, the recipients of your efforts leave you (at least if you did it properly so that they’re equipped for independence).

It hurts on a personal level, no question. And it hurts your career aspirations, too. But wasn’t it obvious that the working world would not exactly be pounding on your door once you finished homeschooling? It should have occurred to you that the career thing was not going to be waiting for you during those 20 or 30 years you spent educating your kids.

That said, today we have far more options for work than we had 30 years ago, when I last worked full-time. Thanks to the Internet, you can work from home. You can start selling on eBay, create things and sell them on Etsy, or begin a freelance career in an area that interests you. You can offer your services as a babysitter or tutor and help the newest generation. If you don’t need an income, you can volunteer in your community.

Now that you’re free to spend your day as you see fit, you may become overwhelmed by all the choices you have. And that’s OK. It’s even OK to be bitter, for a little while. But don’t let it become a permanent emotion. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start figuring out who you are at this stage of your life.

Because you were wrong when you said, “It’s over for her.” It is not “over” for any retired homeschooling mom. Personally, I’m just getting (re)started!

We Can’t Be Number One With Our Kids Forever

Posted on March 4, 2013 by Barb

I’ve always enjoyed Dame Maggie Smith’s work, so I found this recent interview with her interesting. In it she talks about her loneliness since she became a widow and how she handles it by working as often as possible.

One thing she said really caught my attention: now that her husband is gone, she realizes she’s no longer number one with anyone. That sounds like a very lonely place to be. Then there’s the unspoken inference: not only does she miss the special relationship she had with her husband, but as a mother of children, she realizes that she’s no longer number one with them.

And that’s how it should be, since adult children need their independence and all that, but it can be hard for us mamas to accept. We spent so much time with our children, and they looked to us for everything, so much so that sometimes we had to hide in the bathroom to get a little peace (and even that didn’t always work). Then our kids grew up and one-by-one left home and found others to spend their time with. Before we knew it, we became just another item on the to-do list (“Call Mom”) or just another Facebook friend.

I just reread that last paragraph and it sounds kind of cynical at the end. Sorry, but that’s how it feels sometimes, and I have kids who keep in touch. But I know others who only hear from their kids every few months, so it’s even harder for them. It’s not that we need to keep busy with our own activities (although that surely helps), it’s that there’s this big hole in our lives where our kids used to be, demanding snacks and needing baths; filling that hole with work and hobbies just doesn’t cut it.

I know there are lots of suggested solutions for this loneliness that comes from widowhood or an empty nest or both; clearly Dame Maggie Smith’s solution is work. But I think her honesty is probably the most helpful part of her example. It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone, I suppose.